Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1478
2/18/07 CHINESE NEW YEAR HASH TRASH for #1478
Hares: BALLSALOTAPUS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, JUST DO ME SLOWLY and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT
Virgins: JUST FAITH, JUST NICK, JUST YOUNG HI, JUST ELKE, JUST LEVI
Visitors: Sin City Hash- THE UNALICKER, Y=PI, and FLUFFER
Madison Hash- RETURN TO GENDER and FROGGY STYLE
Locals: LIFA, IT’S TOO SOFT, CHICKEN STIFFER, VIRGIN BANGER, BLUE BALLS, MUDSUCKER, CHIP-N-DALE, SOUR BALLS, ORG-E, JUST TIM, ASSPOCKET, 69-CENT MAN, FLYING HOOTERS, JUST LOU, BACK DOOR BIZZLE, ERECT DA RED, JUST ANGELLE, HORN-E, JUST PATTY, RABBIT TURD, MONKEY TURD, MAGNETIC MUFF, BONER MALFUNCTION, GOOD SWALLOW, SMELL THIS, and PUSSY GALORE
The Chinese New Year Hash was a perfect example of what hares can do if they put their minds to it. The hares need to be commended for a hash well done and for over coming the main obstacle that Tito’s, the bar, had no kegs in it. The hash started early for many because we showed up at Noon and had a few beers before we went down to see the parade. The Unalicker, Y=PI, Froggy Style, Return to Gender, Chicken Stiffer, Its too Soft, Lifa, and Fluffer went down Wentworth and found a Sunny spot on the parade route to observe the festival. Most of us even got our own coolie hats that can be seen in numerous pictures taken by the resident photog Its too Soft. The visiting women whined that they were cold and hungry so we found some egg rolls to stuff down their throats but now they whined that they had no BEER! The parade lasted about 1/2 hour and we returned to Tito’s to meet the rest of the hash and have more nectar of the gods.
The crowd began to swell much like Froggy’s head would by the end of the night and we even got two visitors/virgins, Just Elke and Just Levi to join us from Milwaukee, thanks for stopping by. The bar was decorated in red lights and Chinese ornaments but most hashers liked the sight of the big fat beer Buddha ready to greet them at the end of the run. 2:30 pm came and Virtually Hung commenced a chalk talk. His words said, “DO NOT RANGE THIS TRAIL OR YOU WILL MISS THE BEER STOP!!” remember this for later. We went around the circle with our names and soon we were off. Lifa carrying the hash flag led the pack south and then west but Soar Balls and Chip-n-Dale followed him closely. They found the first check that had us chasing our pig tails we were wearing on our asses for the year of the pig. Org-e caught more of the trail going west and we were back on-on. Soar Balls and I ranged a little and we caught the next circle jerk but the pack didn’t follow us but followed
Org-e, Just Patty and several others. I soon was lost on trail with Y=PI but can you blame me?
The pack came together just over the expressway near 20th but was thrown off by our esteemed visitor, Sergeant of Arms, The Unalicker who called on-on after two marks? Didn’t we tell her three was on and its four at her hash after a check so why the call?? We found trail again after Just Tim and Asspocket went west and found the trail paralleled the railroad tracks and went to a raised bridge. Here the marks seemed wipeout by the foot traffic from the Parade. Virtually Hung actual was laying marks, as we went which is why you should not have ranged. Good Swallow found trail going east back towards China Town and the pack hit the BN mark. Ballsalotapus greeted us with Chinese beer and water out of the back of the Lincoln, but we seemed to be missing one hasher, Where was Horn-E?? We would soon find out that ranger went back to the bar. Smell This would soon regret his new FRB status being the first to taste the Chinese beer. The pack followed Wentworth back up through
China Town and ran right down the middle of the street and the people said, “There go the Chicago Hashers!!” Just Faith and Just Nick seemed to be enjoying the celebrity status our hash has in China town.
Back at Tito’s the food was served and soon everyone was stuffed with soup, beef, sausage, and bread. Where can you get this for only $6? Oh and Its Too soft also tapped the beer Buddha as well. We ran our circle and called our hares in giving them an earful of CH3 appreciation. We also called for Monkey Turd to enter the circle because she was our full-fledged Chinese representative. Smell This received the Dragon head award for being the FRB, which he did wear, and I believe lost at the bar, silly Smelly. The hash also welcomed Back Door Bizzle to the hash. He is a new resident but also a past GM from the Richmond Hash, so welcome. We also let our Visitors sing us a song of Jack the necrophilia. Thanks again guys for making the Trek to Chicago we will try to visit Cincinnati and Madison in the future. Boner seemed to be following the advice of a Pink Floyd song because he was comfortably numb. The Keg was finally finished at 7 pm and ten hashers went north to drink more with our visitors. Well for those of you that missed the Chinese New Year you will have another year to wait for it Feb. 7, 2008, The Year of the RAT.