The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1509 @ Relax Sports Bar
Hash Trash: 9/17/07
Hares: Too Much Head & Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Relax Sports Bar
VIRGINS: Just Ciara, Just Aaron, Just Gina
HASHERS: Just Chris, Horn-e, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Its too Soft, Calvin Klein, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Just Julie, Just Allen, Smell This, Virgin Banger, At Your Cervix, 69-cent Man, Mouthful of Meat, Org-E, Just Peter, Just Corinne, Rhotan, I�m Late Again, Assflack,
Total Hashers= 30
The Hare TOO MUCH HEAD was so well prepared for this trail she had a google map with the trail outlined and a beer stop already planned. Future hares should take note that scouting your trail before hand like TOO MUCH HEAD did can be a good thing. She even talked to Ray the owner of the bar and explained our need for singing and $5 pitchers which helped the night run well.
Overall you have to say that TOO MUCH HEAD did everything a hare needed to do. The pack formed outside of the bar around 7:30 pm and I gave the chalk talk for the benefit of our 3 virgins and relatively new hashers. The talk was short and the pack was off. The trail was picked up by VIRTUALLY HUNG and CALVIN KLEIN going north but is soon doubled back towards a familiar Polish-Catholic Church in the neighborhood. A check was laid in its parking lot with true trail again doubling back on itself. I believe JUST MOLLY or JUST JULIE found the trail going west which soon cut through the only alley in Chicago. The HEAD trail went south and crossed Diversey. The pack ran into a check and one of the littlest dogs every seen on trail here. HORN-E went east and JUST KATHERINE west with numerous others running south. The pack was stumped and HORN-E came running back thinking he was on the false trail but he finally figured out that he had the true trail called ON-ON!!! The pack wound its way back to the east where MUDSUCKER became confused by the split in the park and many ladies like JUST CIARA and JUST JULIE got drinks of water or used the bathroom. JUST CORINNE looked like she found true trail going towards Wrightwood and the pack was smiling again. They soon were frowning though when they came to the next check and VIRGIN BANGER and RHOTAN called on-on leading the pack on a long false trail. The pack rejoined the hare, CHICKEN STIFFER, at the check and found true trail quickly. The pack with ORG-E leading ran into the short back check that ran into a dead end before they came out to the Logan Boulevard Circle and monument. Here ORG-E called on-on but didn�t realize that he had missed the check and was really on a false trail. JUST MOLLY found true trail running south and called for JUST CHRIS to join her in the search for more marks. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT was accidentally spat on by a spitting RHOTAN who was trying to clear his nasal passages. CALVIN was somewhere lost out on trail and eventual ran backwards on marks to find the beer stop. The pack was closing in on the beer and needed a little more help from some rangers to find true trail crossing back across Logan to the north. AT YOUR CERVIX kicked it into high gear when she detected the faint smell of barley and hops wafting through the air. The pack ran back towards Diversey and one of virgins, JUST GINA, seemed to be stripping on trail?? ITS TOO SOFT refused to jump the short fence to the beer stop complaining; � I DO NOT HOP OVER THINGS WHEN I CAN�T SEE THE LANDING ZONE!!!� SMELL THIS and TOO MUCH HEAD had set up the beer stop behind some storefronts and we waved numerous times to the neighbor who kept popping his cranium out the window to see what the hell was going on!! The pack devoured the two cases of beer and meandered back the bar.
CALVIN ran the circle and it is comical to see people try to interrupt him week after week, it doesn�t work he just does the RA job too well for the hash to faze him. We were soon giving down-downs to the HARES. The virgins JUST CIARA, JUST AARON, and JUST GINA were taught how to perform a correct down-down by MUDSUCKER. CALVIN brought 69-cent man into the circle for setting of the metal detector, and VIRTUALLY HUNG was named the FRB. I�M LATE AGAIN showed up fashionably late and even later was ASSFLACK who decided to join the CH3 party. JUST PETER and JUST JULIE drank for being reboots and the circle continued. After 20 minutes of accusations CALVIN had the circle singing swing low and the circle closed. Most of us watched the CUBS come back against the REDS this night scoring three runs in the bottom of the ninth for a victory, and ITS TOO SOFT cried over his losing Eagles. Overall the trail was an excellent effort by the Virgin Hare TOO MUCH HEAD and we hope she
volunteers to hare in the near future.