Green Dress Hash
3.13.09 – 3.15.09
Incident Report
The Chicago Hash had a glorious time in St. Louis this past weekend. The weather was great; the host was great it was all first rate. Much silliness and drunkenness ensured at the Holiday Inn Convention Center last weekend and the CH3 made their presence known. The Chicago GM needs to point out a situation that took place on the train ride back from St. Louis that calls for immediate praise and recognition of hashers going above and beyond the call of hash duty to save their fellow hashers from certain death and boredom!
Incident as witnessed by Chicken Stiffer- CH3 Co-GM on March 15, 2009 ~ 5:30 pm
Fifteen Chicago hashers were enjoying a relaxing trip back to Chicago aboard Amtrak #304 in the snack/restaurant car, (Because this is not a bar car) when roughly around 5:00 pm we were informed that the train had run out of BEER!!!! and we were quickly finishing off all of the vodka and whiskey as well. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey came up with the idea of running off the train at the next station to secure more beer at a liquor store for the hash, but if you travel Amtrak you know the train only stops for roughly 30 Seconds in small towns like Alton so this idea was shot down. Chicken Stiffer than said to no one in particular that maybe if we called a taxi company in the next town we could get someone to deliver beer to the train? Here is where praise for two hashers needs to be administered.
Mount Schwiiiinga took it a step further and with her feminine charm and guile she made contact with a man via her IPhone, we will name Bill, who ran a taxi company in Pontiac, Il. She begged and pleaded for him to bring beer to the desperate hashers on the train, but he said no he wanted to watch the Men’s College Basketball Bracket program. Did this deter Mount Schwiiinga? NO!!!! She say that LIFA was debeerating from lack of beer and that Motor Whor-a was also slipping into the first stages of Alcohol deprivation. Mount Schwiiinga in her sweet innocent voice asked if he knew of a bar close to the train station that might deliver beer to the hashers. He told her that “The Engine Room” was 30 ft from the Pontiac Station. http://www.merchant circle.com/ business/ The.Engine. Room.815- 844-5146
The next player that enters our picture deserves recognition but will remain relatively nameless. He is one of those good Samaritans of the hash that we run into. Mount Schwiiiinga places a call to the bar and gets a hold of “Jon”. She convinces him we are indeed willing to pay for a case of beer on the condition he walks that LONG 30 ft. out of the bar to the station platform where Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey will be running off the train in a blue t-shirt and gray cap to make the exchange of worthless money for the gold, cold, nectar of the Gods. Meanwhile LIFA is withering away saying it will never work, never work and soon passes out from debeeration. Jon agreed to the exchange. The conductor walks thru and says 2 minutes till Pontiac and Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey makes ready for the dash. The train pulls into the station and Cheese dashes from the train and has “Beer in 30 seconds”, not bad for a new name? and is back on the train beer in arms. A beer IV is run for LIFA and Motor Whor-a is refreshed with a cold Budweiser. Both of their ashen faces returned to the rosy pinkness of healthy hashers.
The Conductor who did see this pulled Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey aside between cars for a chat and we were sure that the Chicago Hash was going to follow the route of the Big Humpers by being thrown off the Amtrak much like they were thrown of the Megabus. Cheese returns and informs us that the conductor said, “That was pretty slick!” Instead of a Megabus of Shame we were now riding a “Train of Triumph” the 12 hashers (apostles) in the snack car began to refer to Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey by his alternate name, “Cheesus”, for only Cheesus could draw beer from a place like Pontiac, Il.
Immediately hashers were calling for an impeachment trial of Erin Go Buff so we could rename Schwiiinga as the new CH3 GM. This talk will continue at the Lions Head Pub on March 19, 2009. The very least that will occur here is that Cheesus will receive the award for “2009 Best Beer Stop”, he deserves much more for saving his fellow hashers that were in dire need of thirst. Mount Schwiiinga could use this incident to spring board into the CH3 or TH3 GM spot this year. These two hashers deserve the hashes praise and thanks for saving poor LIFA from deaths doorway.
On a side note Glory Hole found his new love on Amtrak #304. She has a bubbly personality and was traveling the train after being recently released from St. Louis General Hospital. Glory Hole slyly arranged to meet her in the passenger car away from the hashers in the snack car. There he asked for and received this young ladies phone number which he graciously got from her on her discharge papers. Later Glory Hole was seen talking to Poultry, our pharmacist, asking questions like what are Lithium, Adderall, and Prozac for because they were on the discharge papers.
Chicken Stiffer
CH3-Co-GM