The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 30 May 2010
We had a big long list of Wankers and Bimbos for this annual Virgin Banger Memorial Day Hash. I counted about 60 to 65 setting out on this shitty trail. But I’m sure someone will inflate the number to include paid that didn’t show and those that didn’t do trail. And it must have been as unanimously declared at the circle afterward. But for the Namby Pamby wanker who keeps complaining about these hash trashes, it was a lovely day with flowers blooming everywhere and with about 75 beautiful and buff hashers preparing to run another magnificent trail laid by our wonderful hares, Virgin Banger and Smell This through the beautiful neighborhoods of Chicago past churches and store and bars and so many beautiful homes. I’m about to gag. The truth is, it wasn’t a bad course considering the hares and the past marathons they laid on bikes. And it is hard to keep a large pack together. They didn’t. But, I digress. We started out of O’lannagans to the south and around a curved street to Berteau for our first Check. I looked to the east and saw Or G about two blocks off and still going. Had to be it and I followed. Soon the On call was made, but at a Triple split. Or G went north. When Horn-E arrived, he hadn’t found the trail so Horn-E headed east and after a looong block, he found an arrow into an alley. Cunt N Pasties and Horn-E headed into the alley and out through a parking lot to Clark. A bit of a confusing mark here but Cunt n Pasties found trail to the north and we finally turned east on Cullom. Cunt N Pasties was leading and at the next Split she headed straight. So Horn-E, by default went north on Hoyne and was On. This led to Montrose and a Split and Horn-E was passed by the usual bunch of FRBs as they crossed Montrose into an alley. Near the end of the alley was a Check at a cross alley. Horn-E went east and followed a turn arrow to the north. But this led no where and upon returning the pack was gone, heading west in the alley. At Clark, the trail headed north and through Lincoln Square area and the El Station. From here it was west on Leland and a series of streets. By now I was so far behind the main body of runners that all I could do was follow the mostly marked trail and slowly pass an army of walkers. First was three of them on Leland. Then another three just after an alley. and another three heading east on Berwyn and finally the last three on Winona, a half block before the beer stop. Twelve walkers whose names shall live in infamy and obscurity. To many slackers and to much time to write all of that. I’ll not embarrass them because there were to many former good runners in that pack.
At the beer stop, The Virgin Palace grounds, there was a Keg of Metropolitan Beer and many happy hashers indulging. There was also some watermelon soaking in some powerful alcohol that had hashers wobbling off whistling little songs. I needed water on this hot day. But just before the keg ran out, I did manage to get about a pint. Good stuff. When it ran out, they made a run for some cheap commercial swill until the departing hour arrived. Meanwhile I moved around talking to all so many friends. Why haven’t you all been hashing? But it is good. They are here and it is a nice hot sweltering day. I met the virgins several times and hope they will return. And many thanks to our Virgin Hosts.
Finally we headed over to the Dank House for the On In. Horn-E led the pack over there and into the elevator, into the hall and up to the beer. Now we were on Goose Island. The partyers settled into the roof top deck facing Western and the pitchers started to flow. Finally the RA, Genesis started the circle. And it quickly dissolved into chaos and mayhem. The RA couldn’t maintain control, but many had a lot of laughs. The hares got plenty of down downs and the many virgins and visitors were all called out. They called out the Veterans. It was Memorial Day. Perhaps, next time, we can also honor the fallen veterans with a moment of silence and a quiet drink in their honor.
Then food was served and we all rushed in for some good meat and sides. I hope everyone got enough. I know when I went back for seconds, there seemed to be nothing left but rolls. Then it was back to socializing on the roof top deck. And the pack slowly dissipated. We got down to the last group and six of us killed the second keg. And that included the virgin Mary. Hmmm, she might be back. Out by 9PM. Early compared to the last several years. Then several of us headed over to Friar Tuck’s for a nightcap. A great day/night except for one annoying fly that get trying to bug me. He needs to grow up.