The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 4/10/2011 by Horn-E
We had an absolutely beautiful day for this hash from the condo of Ice Princess and hared by 10 Dix With Wings. And she did a pretty good job on trail with her first solo attempt. But the marks using colored sidewalk chalk were often missing or barely there. Dry wall works best.
This was the day of the Shamrock Shuffle and a lot of hashers run that race. So some drank beer after and didn’t make the trail. And some showed up because of the Shuffle that wouldn’t normally come. But all in all, a poor turnout of trail hounds on the warmest day by about ten degrees since last year. Hit a high of about 82 degrees and it was hard on the hounds who have been running in cooler weather. Like me.
So we finally had only 14 hounds on trail, and then we lost Pool Job after the second Check. But he got to get in a good run around the lakefront. Trail took off to the south and east to a Check on Wabash. Had the pack confused for a bit until someone found the trail a block to the north. This led to a loop that went right past the Check point and about a half block away. But confusion really was rampant as the chalk marks were almost missing completely in parking lots. We ran to the south and finally Horn-E spotted a faded Split that led to trail into Grant Park. We had to leap over a flower bed and headed east to a path to the south. Platypussy was a block to the south when Pool Job spotted a Back Check. That put SnatchSquatch in the lead for a few moments. Then it was Lifa leading us across a bridge and to the east. Several Splits and we came to a check as the path went under this huge tunnel under the outer drive. I saw Platypussy coming from the path on the south. I assumed he found nothing. So the pack wandered through the tunnel and to a Split. Apparently to the right was an On call and then a False. Someone mentioned that 10 Dix With Wings didn’t follow us through the tunnel. Was that a clue? We now went to the northeast and another Split. Hashers were running everywhere. I was talking to Licker Leash who said he couldn’t find anything anywhere. Hmmm. And he also mentioned that 10 Dix With Wings didn’t follow us. Hmmm. So we returned and we went south and we were soon On. We called out to everyone in sight and Or G came running from the far north. Was that all of us? No. We lost Pool Job. We headed west along Roosevelt and when I got to Michigan, they were wandering all over. Someone found a faded out chalk Check. So we headed across Roosevelt and Taste The Rainbow went south. Poultry Fucker went east. She was On and headed south at the next street finding another Check after a block. Meanwhile Chunder Pussy tried to short cut through a fenced field and found a fence he really had to struggle to get over. Poultry Fucker was On again to the south. This led across the street and into a park with a Triple Split. She took the middle and was wrong. Horn-E went south and found only painted arrows. Lifa found the trail to the east and apparently behind and around some hi-rise. This led to the Metra Tracks and Taste The Rainbow was already running south when Horn-E spotted a mark leading to a loop and back west for a short bit. I was running along with Five Hole Failure who was looking like she was having an energy failure. I was with her on that. We wandered south through a complex of town houses and a Hi-rise before coming to a Check. Lifa, Taste The Rainbow and Platypussy were to the east and looking for a way over a fence and a mark. Any mark. The walkers including SnatchSquatch and Its Too Soft caught up and we all headed west to Indiana. Or G found trail here and we headed south under the tracks and into some real urban shiggy along the tracks. But this was short lived as it was just a short loop.
10 Dix With Wings recently hashed in Oregon and finally found out what real shiggy is all about. And bleeding on trail. So she found us a little patch of good weeds.
But we were soon heading west to an alley. Here the bastard hare led us through a narrow gangway strewn with all sorts of garbage and a Check. I was followed by The Dark Kunt who spotted a Check. But as we emerged, some hounds were to the north and already ON. Some other hounds short cut and were standing around at the corner wondering what the fuck was going on. Apparently they had some marks there also. But we followed the leaders to the north, through a play lot and into an alley. We were falling behind, but Licker Leash spotted some marks over some raised flower beds and we were off to the west into a complex of town houses. We were lost a bit and Horn-E was on two to the west when Or G yelled they were on to the north. So, being near the corner, Horn-E just went north. Two blocks away he spotted Lifa looking like a bowl of lime jello with legs in that wild shirt, running into what turned into a park. Also saw Poultry Fucker and Taste the Rainbow and finally Platypussy who waved to Horn-E. So off he ran, finally merging with those runners Or G was with. We headed through this tunnel and into more town houses and a Check followed by BN.
Two blocks later we were at a Beer Stop. But who were all these people? House puppies who just walked from the start with co-hare Salty Gash who brought the beer. Two Girls One Cupcake, Rotton Whore, Beer Spill Valdez, Tampon Tampoff and Cum In My Ass Fault. We had three hounds missing, Pool Job, Chunder Pussy and 10 K Tika Ho. Hmmm. Finally Chunder Pussy and 10 K Tika Ho arrived, racing each other on in. SnatchSquatch finally ended the beer stop by yelling out, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Three mommies in the playground were horrified and holding their kids ears.
Back at Ice Princess’s condo we found him waiting and we headed up to the roof for a long circle led by the house puppy RAs Beer Spill Valdez and Calvin Klein. Other house puppies included Batteries Not Included, Crop Duster, Just Nancy and Dr. Fudge Finger. 10 Dix With Wings and Salty Gash did many a down down for putting together that “S.H.I.T.T.Y T.R.A.I.L. and beer stop. 10 Dix With Wings also provided some Irish Car Bomb cupcakes and the two bimbo hares had to eat a cupcake together, with no hands. Two girls one cupcake. Beer Spill Valdez also had to drink out of the sleeve. Don’t know what that is? It is an idea Horn-E brought back from Thailand and the Chaing Mai Interhash and presented to the hash in the form of a piece of pipe that the victim slips over his arm, preventing him from bending his elbow. Then he trys to drink a down down with that arm. Results in a waterfall all over the face. After circle we ordered some pizza and sat in the sun and the 83 degree warmth while summer lasted. Monday morning we were already into the fall season.