The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 2 May 2011 by Horn-E
We had three Polish Hares, 69 Cent Man, Virgin Banger, and Cumma Slutra for the annual Polish Constitution Day Hash from Four Treys. And a decent crowd for once with 33 hounds at the start and one short cutting bastard, Hoosier Daddy. He was coming late and as he got off his bus, he saw marks and followed them for less then 3/4 of a mile on in to the beer stop. The other 33 hounds ran a 4 mile loop around the start. We took off to the east with SnatchSquatch leading the pack for a block and a Split. From here we went another block east to the tracks and then north a block and under the tracks for a Check. Somehow, On was called back under the tracks and north. Wrong. It was north and then further east allowing Horn-E and Corn Star and a few others to get in front of the pack for a bit as we headed east in an alley and then north and back west to a Check at Lincoln and Addison. There were several hashers already there looking for marks, but trail was finally found to the north on Ravenswood. I was off in the wrong direction when the On call was made and I soon passed Two Girls One Cupcake jogging along and let her know that she wasn’t last. The two friends of the 69 Cent Man, Just Julian and Poodle Noodler who we only see at his runs, were walking behind her. Yeah!. Well that and a few others off in the wrong direction. But we ran on and soon we had another Check at Lincoln. This one went straight west and we were soon running up to two loops off of the same intersection. Damn hares got away with it too as some people were still turning north as we returned and headed south. And from here it went south and west a bit. A bunch of us got caught at Addison with traffic and fell behind. But Horn-E spotted some hashers returning to the street we were on. Thought we had short cut a bit of trail, but they were the usual short cutters in the distance and we went on to the west towards Western. We saw the short cutters again just before Western and to the south at Belmont. We decided to run on and actually stay on trail and followed the leader of our back pack, the visitor Two Fuck Canuck from St. Louis, as we headed south and then south on Clybourn. From here it was fairly straight as we ran down Barry and then north on Damen to the beer stop in a play lot.
From here it was a short walk back to the bar and the beer. Circle was a bit crowded in that small room and the beer was a bit warm and very veeerrry foamy. That left this otherwise good beer flat by the time the head settled. Poultry Fucker took over filling pitchers and did a good job considering the head. The hares got their normal ration of down downs. We called out the Polish, the Vets for the killing of Osama bin Laden by the Navy Seals, our visitors Two Fuck Canuck from St. Louis, Argentuna and Stop The Bus from Miami and Horse’s Ass from ????? We also had some virgins, Just Mariola, Just Jason, and Just Katy. Other trail hounds in this large pack included Corn Star, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off, The Dark Kunt, Dark Side OF The Poon, O’Shitty Runch, Wrapper Snatcher, Taste The Rainbow, Porcelain God, Ass Capades, Chicken Stifer, Menage A Twat, Ernst Cumingway, Necrophiliac, R-Tard-E, Uploader, Just Paul, Chunder Pussy, Mouthful Of Meat, W Jew 40, and Just Reed. We also had a bunch of House Puppies wander in including Mount Schwiiinga, Mudsucker, Its Too Soft, Sin Calzones and Slippery Box.
Suggestion: On this trail we saw Hoosier Daddy wander off the bus and find trail that led him to the beer stop early. So he was declared the Front Running Bastard. But he never ran in front of the pack. He stumbled into the beer stop. We also have hashers who continually deliberately short cut the trail and wander into beer stops early.
But isn’t the FRB actually someone who “Led the Pack” most on that particular trail. Let’s recognize our best at leading the pack and helping others get on actual trail after Checks and Splits by calling On and alerting the following hounds that you are ON the trail that the hares set. Let’s call him/her FRB.
Let’s call those that get into the beer stop first, FBI as in First Bastard In and First Bitch In.
And lets call Short Cutting Bastards, SCB, for deliberately missing so much trail that the hares went through so much trouble setting for us. And this isn’t about those that are waaay behind and just trying to get back into the game. And give then an additional Down down especially if they were also FBI.
And of course, Dead Fucking Last is just that, slow or lost on trail. Last to the beer and/or ON IN.
Just a Suggestion. RAs ?
On On
Horn-E