The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash, 23 May 2011, by Horn-E
This was Specklebirds 40th birthday and he doesn’t look a day over 39. And he had a pack of 28 hounds. There was a co-hare in Just Do Me Slowly and they ran out of Independence Tap. Was there a nice crowd for this day? No. They were hashers ready for some real shit. After a quick chalk talk, we were off heading east behind Horn-E on Irving Park. That lasted about a hundred feet as Glory Hole streaked past him and led us across the street and into Independence Park for our first Check. After a bit of confusion, I heard Rhotan confirm the trail went southwest and I followed as the pack streaked south on Hamlin and then further east to another Check at Waveland and Central Park. The pack was already heading south to Addison before I got there and I followed Hoosier Daddy through the narrow passage and then west along Addison and over the expressway. The first street was Avondale, running northwest. And here the mystery of the trail disappeared. It went straight NW on Avondale for six blocks with five Splits, all going straight and one Check, also going straight. By now the pack was almost completely strung out with the FRBs way ahead and Horn-E was trying to stay ahead of The International Virgin, Salty Gash and Hoosier Daddy, while keeping Just Miguel and the virgin Just Frank in sight about a block ahead. We finally headed south a block after Pulaski and a T and E Split. The difference was only in climbing a fence and reuniting a block later. Horn-E opted for the Eagle and almost ended up a stuck turkey as he climbed the fence and the pipe he grabbed gave away. Well, you always need some blood on trail to make it an official trail. We were now heading west on Grace, and by the grace of God, I stuck with Grace. Actually, several blocks ahead I saw some of the pack heading south into an alley. And then I saw some of the pack return to Grace several blocks later. I’ll stay in the state of grace, or on the street of Grace, or whatever. I saw Taste The Rainbow coming out of an alley and I directed him to those runners in grace, or on Grace. And at the end of Grace, there were no marks and no hashers. See, staying with grace does you no good, so go ye forth and sin forever more. We were actually unknowingly paralleling all this time and going south I saw some hashers actually on trail and heading up a hill and across some tracks. As I crossed these ‘live’ tracks I could see a train coming and these hashers heading west towards the abandoned tracks a block away. And Specklebird lives just over those tracks. Hmmm. Beer Stop. So Horn-E ran On. Meanwhile Salty Gash and The International Virgin blindly followed, yakking away and not seeing the on coming train. Fortunately it was slowing for the station and missed them by fifty feet with whistle blowing and just sparing us International Virgin blood and bloody Salty Gash all over the tracks. Is this how these train hitting commuters happen all the time. Meanwhile Horn-E was finally crossing the abandoned tracks to the Specklebird house with Way To Much Jism, finally running again, and Rhotan.
Heading into the backyard or the Specklebird house we found good beer and Squeeze These and about ten hashers. It was about a beer later when the final hashers finally arrived and by now, the skeeters were out in force. So I headed out and found myself walking back with Lower Wackoff. About three raced ahead and the rest followed on the long march back to the bar. There we found the MIAs Glory Hole and O’Shitty Runch on their second pitcher having blown through the trail and just ran On IN.
Bowls of Pop Corn came out thanks to the bartender’s soar balls, or was it the bartender, Soar Balls. Beer was soon flowing and Beer Spill Valdez started the circle. Many down downs were given to the deserving hares. And many others including a new transplant, I think his name is Ellie May Slappit, and several virgins, Just Meghen, and Just Frank.
Other trail hounds included Are There Real, Crop Duster, Just Pam, Just Sabrina, Pool Job, Lifa, Chicken Stifer, SnatchSquatch, W Jew 40 showing off his new Happy Coat with his name stitched on it, Just Steve, Dark Side Of The Poon, The Dark Kunt, and Ass Capades. We also had two house puppies, Its Too Soft and Slippery Box. And we drank on after midnight.
The Tale of the Trail