The Tale of the Trail
The Chicago Hash 13 Jun 2011 by Horn-E
…..The hare was Fistful Of Pricks and we ran out of Bob Inn. We had 24 Trail Hounds at the start and enough House Puppies at the finish to out number some of the hashes this last winter. We took off to the west after a quick chalk talk and unfortunately we had some chalk on trail. That damn colored stuff that you can miss while standing right on it. We also had tiny little dollops of flour that looked like nipples, when you could find them. We quickly ran through several Splits and had a Check just before Milwaukee. This led west and under the tracks before heading up Milwaukee. The FRBs hit Logan Square and a Split. About a hundred feet straight, they found another dollop of flour. Ooops. The hare missed on this one. Actually, this was not supposed to be a mark after the Split, but a mark off of the Check we didn’t find yet. The other direction of the previous Split led right up to the monument at Logan Square. As us back enders slowly arrived on the scene, the pack had finally figured out that there was a Check at the monument and they were mostly scattered in a westerly direction. Licker Leash was back tracking from the monument as we arrived and we jointly figured out that this was actually the way to the Check. So Licker Leash and Horn-E went to explore that dollop of flour previously mentioned. And what do you know. This was the trail out of the Check. Licker Leash found a second dollop and then an arrow. A little confusing since this arrow was pointing north and not turning from the trail he was following. By the time Horn-E got there, he was long gone and a block north. Horn-E followed and found another dollop and blew the horn for the pack back at the monument. Running north he came up to a Triple Split at Diversey and Licker Leash was already three blocks east. ON. He called On to Chicken Stifer across the street and he ran east. And now the FRBs in rapidly passed Horn-E and even the mid pack runners passed him. Several blocks later we had another Split and the pack went north, yelling On. Chicken Stifer kept going straight and I didn’t see him again until the beer stop. Meanwhile we ran north and under the highway and then east, and east, and east. Finally, just before the river we headed north to Belmont and over the river. I could see the last runner ahead of me wearing a red shirt. Who was that? Finally, following trail, I spotted Licker Leash in an alley looking for a port a let and crawling through a fence to get at one. Oooops. So we finally ran on together, under western and on south on Clybourn. We had one Check to solve ourselves and Horn-E finally found that. Then we headed further south on Clybourn until we went around the abandoned projects. This led past the hare house and the presumed beer stop. Not. That had to mean Sin Calzones house on Logan Blvd. Right. We did run into 10 Diks With Wings and W Jew 40 on the way and Licker Leash ran off while the three of us followed trail over to Logan and another long straight to the beer stop. Where we last? I knew a lot didn’t pass me after we found that Check at Logan, so were they behind. Of course some just short cut to the beer stop, because they were there and didn’t pass me. Short Cutting Bastards. Much later four more arrived with Corn Star leading them and Poultry Fucker pulling up the rear and officially DFL.
…..Good beer was served and we all hung around telling tall tales. Finally the beer was gone and we mostly walked back except for Dickens Cider and a visitor, Saigon Sally who ran on in.
…..Only canned beer sold here and 16s of PBR were soon flowing. Two Girls One Cupcake wasn’t the hare, but walked around like a bunny all night with trays of beer. And Beer Spill Valdez started circle and eventually did a down down from that tray of spilled beer. The hare got many for her trail and marks. The FRB was Dark Side Of The Poon and the FBI was Dickens Cider. We had a virgin, Just Ryan who did a fine job downing his beer. Sandy Syphilis did a poor job of demonstrating how to do a down down by not finishing her beer and not inverting it over her head. But we had another demo hound and Chunder Pussy did it right. We also had our visitor, Saigon Sally to give a down down and he sang a short song. Then we invited the new transplant, Barffly to Chicago. Hope she comes back and tries all of the hashes in town. 5 Hole Failure got called out for wearing long socks on a warm night. Yeah, but she also had the shortest shorts. Yeeeaaah. And Just Annie was back for the second week in a row. Yeeeaaah.
…..So, who else was on trail. SnatchSquatch, Uploader, O’Shitty Runch, Ass Capades, The Dark Kunt and Just Julie.
…..And the long list of House Puppies were Wang Chunks, Salty Gash, Sin Calzones, Crop Duster, Just Nancy, Soul Taco, Its Too Soft, Ice Princess, EZ On The Ass, Dump Me Hump Me, and Way To Much Jism. Lets get something straight so some hashers will quit complaining about being called a House Puppy when they were working. We all know that some can’t make it because they are working or injured or some other reason. One of the original founders used to quite fittingly called them posers and I used that expression for years. But I came up with this expression recently. Not so much as a put down, but to establish the difference between those that actually hashed, the Trail Hounds and those that stayed “in house”. And if you can’t take a joke, how do you hash or get through circles. You are all welcome to join us whenever you can make it. We hope you will actually hash, because that is what we are about. But come and have fun whenever you can and for whatever level you can muster. We’re all friends.
The Tale of the Trail