Category: Horn E

The Chicago Hash 9/25/06 by Horn-E

Our hares were EZ on the Ass and Stump Humper. I’d like to say something good about this hash, but I’m just not that big of a liar. Okay, I’m kidding. Sort of. The actual course wasn’t all that bad. The marks just weren’t were Chicago Hashers would normally look for them. Like under a street light. Like on a corner. Like suddenly appearing on the other side of the street. Like somewhat consistently spaced. To often we had a split or a check and didn’t know how far to actually check before turning back. Do we go over a block one time and a hundred feet the next?

The pack wasn’t all good at acting like a pack either. Short cutting. I’m often guilty of this. But when you see a short cut, you have to take it. Ranging. I’m guilty of this. When you range out at a check, and the trail goes another way, you either back track or range towards the lead hound. Not calling out to others. This is a group endeavor. If you are on trail, call it out. When you come to a check, call it out. When someone shouts out RU, reply either Checking, On On, or Looking. Lets work like a pack like a hash should. And blowing a whistle at the third mark after a check or the first mark after a split and never actually checking if anyone actually heard your whistle is the same as not calling out at all. Lets work together so we can resolve trails that aren’t marked all that well in a more timely and organized manner.

And remember that the idea is to run as a group. The purpose of checking and splits is to regroup the pack, not split them up all over the city. One of our newer hashers said at the beer stop that this wasn’t fun. That is how we lose people. Our trails are supposed to be fun, together. I know that both hares tried to lay a good trail. But when that many fast. good hounds are scattered all over, something went wrong. Hares? Hounds?

The On On was good. Stump Humper’s mom put out a good supply of Mexican food for us and we all dug in. Then Calvin Klein led a decent circle and EZ on the Ass was almost overflowing with beer. We had a virgin in Just Kelly. And after the circle she tried to lead us in a dirty song. She sounds like a keeper.

Now everybody make plans for Chicago’s first Sunday hash of the season.

On On
Horn-E

The Chicago Hash 8/14/06 by Horn-E

We had a late announcement for this hash because of no hare. Please volunteer folks. You Got My Rod came out of nowhere and volunteered to hare from the Lake Shore Grill. We had a dozen hashers as we circled up. Our trail headed south to the river and then west to a split. Chicken Stiffer went south. Bye.

The trail went west and up to the upper lever at Michigan. We then headed through Illinois Center to a check. Meanwhile Chicken Stiffer was paying the most severe penalty that us ranging hashers face. He came out of the lower levels at Michigan Ave and headed west, way off course. He eventually found the On In marks and ended up following the trail backwards.

At our first check, Fiddle Tits found the trail heading south towards Millennium Park and a split at Randolph. She went east, I went west and I was On, across Michigan and then the marks disappeared. They were washing the sidewalks. I headed west to State with Sperm Bank. Eventually the hare arrived and helped the small lead pack back to the trail. I was off around a construction site and I eventually got back on trail and caught the pack at Madison and Clark at a check. Magnetic Muff was standing around checking out the local traffic. I followed Lower Wackoff west and eventually I saw Boner Malfunction ahead. Where did he come from? The last time I saw him he was a block off course at the first check. Sneaky bastard. We came to a check at Wacker and Washington. I went south and stumbled onto marks coming from the west. I tried to signal the pack, but they were out of site. So I followed the marks to the Franklin St. Bridge, over the river and into the lower levels. Suddenly Chicken Stiffer was there. We ran a few more blocks and suddenly Its Too Soft was running with Chicken Stiffer. They followed the trail while I kept trying to parallel them and eventually I found marks, lost marks and struggled on in. A short time later others started to arrive in little groups. Actually a good trail, that got screwed up a few times.

Eventually Chicken Stiffer led us in a short circle. This was good, because the beer price was higher then normal. Good beer. Good view and our last time at this location. Damn construction.

Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 7/10/06 by Horn-E

We hashed out of the American Legion hall in Evanston. The entrance wasn’t all that obvious, but I found it. The second group to arrive couldn’t find it and waited in a car. But we all soon gathered within and met two new virgins, Just Christy and Just Katy.

The Ass family finally arrived. Four hares. Yes, with a shortage of hares, we had four on one trail. But the Ass family wanted to get together for a joint haring experience. We finally circled up just as our Mom of the year, Coffee Tea Or Me and Mount Me Puh’leeze arrived. The trail headed under the tracks and to a high wall. High enough that this old fart had to try twice to get up it. I then got away with some outrageous chivalry while helping Just Katy up. We then headed west down Central to Dyche Stadium. As we headed north on the east side of the stadium, The head Chicken, Chicken Stiffer almost broke a drumstick as he crashed on his knee. Was he hurt bad? I don’t know, but less then a mile later he was back in front.

At the second check, I found the trail and I led for a while heading further north and then east. I hit a split and picked wrong. That is where Chicken Stiffer passed me. I ranged east and finally ran through the golf course where I again picked up on trail as I saw Calvin Klein crossing the golf course. We came to another check near Sheridan Rd. The trail went south toward Bahai Temple. Cool. We were going to run through their new gardens and around the temple. Wrong.

We just kept going south, block after block. We finally headed east toward the lake. One of the hares, Cum In My Ass Fault was just ahead taking pictures. Imagine that. Someone actually taking pictures on trail instead of the usual group shots or shots of someone with a glass in their face. We need more of these types. I digress.

The trail came back to Sheridan Rd and we ran south toward Northwestern. We finally had a split towards the lake. We wandered around a bit as the FRBs kept heading south and NOT CALLING ON ON. We finally headed south again. We came to another split. This time the trail finally headed towards the lake. A tiny park and then through someone’s back yard to a check. There were marks towards the lake. I headed that way, looking, hoping and anticipating a beer stop. Perfect. Sand dunes surrounded by tall grasses and a view of the lake. False Trail. Damn.

By the time I reemerged at the check, all were gone. I found trail and eventually saw Canned Pussy, and then a bunch of bimbos ahead. I eventually started to catch the pack just before the beer stop, under a bridge. Here I found Pied Piper from the Gypsy Hash in San Francisco. He arrived before the hash, also couldn’t find the entrance, thought we already left and ran the trail by himself. From here it was a short walk back to the American Legion.

No pitchers, but cheap (?) I think, cans of beer. We held a circle led by Calvin Klein and Stump Humper. We introduced our two new virgins, Just Christy, who did a decent job of keeping up with the pack. I made her cum and I was doing my usual ranging on trail. So I constantly found myself trying to catch up so my own virgin wouldn’t beat me to the beer stop. Just Katy was more of a runner and she was often near the front of the pack. Well done to both and welcome to the Chicago Hash and hashing. Backed Up Pipes finally arrived in the tightest tights I have ever seen on a guy. They were so tight, we could tell what religion he was. Was he going to get razzed for these, and get a down down? Read several. Later he swapped tops with Just Katy. She is probably still trying to get all of the hairs out. A good time, but the hash cash ran out quickly and we were soon off.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/23/5 by Horn-E
Magnetic Muff picked a great little dive bar for this marathon training hash. At least it seemed that way after taking a wrong turn and ending up about a half mile behind the pack right at the start. Actually it was only about 5 miles, but after the marathon training Big Dog Hash the day before, I was getting run down. There did seem to be a lot of long straights, but in reality there were a few loops to take the boredom out of the FRBs and regroup the pack. I actually was just catching up to the pack when Milk My Yak took a wrong turn into the woods and dragged me along. When we emerged from the brush along the rivers edge, the FRBs were out of sight. And there was a check. Going right was right. I went left. Wrong. When I finally headed in the right direction Milk My Yak and I found the trail again and we ran up to the beer stop along the river.

After the beer stop we headed east over the river and then along the new river walk to a check at a park. Here Lower Wackoff and I ran ourselves in circles for a while and finally emerged onto Peterson were I spotted a mark. From here on in it was mostly straight and I still got off coarse. Shortcutting. I finally stumbled back onto marks and followed them into the bar.

Virtually Hung led us in a good circle. Nuttin’ Bitch proved to be the bimbo of the day as she locked her car keys in her car and ran with her house keys. Yup, she get a down down. And many others were given before we quit. We then got into some hot dogs, some damn good chocolate chip cookies and a lot more beer.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/16/5 by Horn-E

Lower Wackoff and Canned Pussy decided to put together a little hash from Little Rascals to celebrate ten years of hashing each. I think they each laid ten minutes worth. This was definitely the quickest hash I ran all year. It took about 30 minutes to get to the beer stop.

We headed south from the bar and at the first block we had our second split already. I saw track and followed several hashers toward the east. Another split and there was only Fist And Clits still in front as I headed towards the tracks. She eventually found the trail and led to a T n E split up onto the track. We headed up and I finally found marks that led right down to another split. I picked south and I got lucky again. But the usual FRBs and our visitor, Dr. Who, soon passed me as headed to Pulaski and Diversey. The trail kept going to one block west and a check at an alley. I saw Lifa returning from a false to the south, so I headed back to Diversey and further west. I was On. I hit another split and went straight while Rhotan went right. He was on so I headed north to catch up. Rhotan missed a hidden turn mark and I was back in front to the next check. I headed west and found two marks, but I couldn’t find a third. So I headed north and found myself paralleling Lifa who was On. I looked and there was another mark and I led us up to the tracks. Heading south we were soon back on the street at Belmont. There was a big loop into a deadend parking lot and I found the mark coming out. But I couldn’t fine another. While looking, I spotted the walkers at Canned Pussy’s garage and I was soon there for the beer stop. I apparently missed a short three block loop and soon the pack started to arrive.

From the beer stop it was a short run back to the bar and the free hot dogs. Too Loose To Screw led us in a short circle giving the hares a well deserved down down for such a short trail.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/9/5 by Horn-E

Bloody Lips was out on her first solo job of haring. It showed. Actually after a bad start, it wasn’t bad. At least what I saw of it. The venue was the Lake Shore Grill, that secret little bar/restaurant in the city’s underbelly. From here we saw a runner jogging by and coaxed Just Rob to join us. While waiting to get going, Fist and Clits made the mistake of bending over in front of me to stretch. Never bend over in front of me while I am holding my horn. She jumped so high she almost grabbed Jupiter as it sailed by. I think she still tingles.

Our first check had us running in circles for about 72 hours. I actually went off in the correct direction with Lower Wackoff towards the lake. Unfortunately we didn’t go far enough looking for the first mark and everybody then ran in circles for a long, long, long, long time. Finally we were On and off to another check near the lake. Here Bloody Lips got us again as we headed south to a long false. The actual trail went over the river to, you guessed it, another check. I found this one and we ran to another check at Columbus and Grand. I didn’t see trail again until I stumbled onto the eagle trail near the finish. I started running it backwards until I saw Rhotan coming in the other direction. Having already run part of the eagle trail, I took the turkey On In.

I had run all over the River North area looking for trail. At one point I ran into Meister, also lost. Meanwhile the pack was drinking beer at the orgasm over the river fountain. Sounds like I missed a good beer stop.

Most of us made it back before the rains hit and we settled into some good beer, food and our usual circle. Rhotan started the circle by rambling on about SCH3. Eventually he settled into a decent job as RA until he neared the end and he started in rambling on about SCH3 again. Hey, it was a CH3 hash.