Category: Tale of the Trail

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/23/5 by Horn-E
Magnetic Muff picked a great little dive bar for this marathon training hash. At least it seemed that way after taking a wrong turn and ending up about a half mile behind the pack right at the start. Actually it was only about 5 miles, but after the marathon training Big Dog Hash the day before, I was getting run down. There did seem to be a lot of long straights, but in reality there were a few loops to take the boredom out of the FRBs and regroup the pack. I actually was just catching up to the pack when Milk My Yak took a wrong turn into the woods and dragged me along. When we emerged from the brush along the rivers edge, the FRBs were out of sight. And there was a check. Going right was right. I went left. Wrong. When I finally headed in the right direction Milk My Yak and I found the trail again and we ran up to the beer stop along the river.

After the beer stop we headed east over the river and then along the new river walk to a check at a park. Here Lower Wackoff and I ran ourselves in circles for a while and finally emerged onto Peterson were I spotted a mark. From here on in it was mostly straight and I still got off coarse. Shortcutting. I finally stumbled back onto marks and followed them into the bar.

Virtually Hung led us in a good circle. Nuttin’ Bitch proved to be the bimbo of the day as she locked her car keys in her car and ran with her house keys. Yup, she get a down down. And many others were given before we quit. We then got into some hot dogs, some damn good chocolate chip cookies and a lot more beer.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/16/5 by Horn-E

Lower Wackoff and Canned Pussy decided to put together a little hash from Little Rascals to celebrate ten years of hashing each. I think they each laid ten minutes worth. This was definitely the quickest hash I ran all year. It took about 30 minutes to get to the beer stop.

We headed south from the bar and at the first block we had our second split already. I saw track and followed several hashers toward the east. Another split and there was only Fist And Clits still in front as I headed towards the tracks. She eventually found the trail and led to a T n E split up onto the track. We headed up and I finally found marks that led right down to another split. I picked south and I got lucky again. But the usual FRBs and our visitor, Dr. Who, soon passed me as headed to Pulaski and Diversey. The trail kept going to one block west and a check at an alley. I saw Lifa returning from a false to the south, so I headed back to Diversey and further west. I was On. I hit another split and went straight while Rhotan went right. He was on so I headed north to catch up. Rhotan missed a hidden turn mark and I was back in front to the next check. I headed west and found two marks, but I couldn’t find a third. So I headed north and found myself paralleling Lifa who was On. I looked and there was another mark and I led us up to the tracks. Heading south we were soon back on the street at Belmont. There was a big loop into a deadend parking lot and I found the mark coming out. But I couldn’t fine another. While looking, I spotted the walkers at Canned Pussy’s garage and I was soon there for the beer stop. I apparently missed a short three block loop and soon the pack started to arrive.

From the beer stop it was a short run back to the bar and the free hot dogs. Too Loose To Screw led us in a short circle giving the hares a well deserved down down for such a short trail.

The Tale of the Trail

The Chicago Hash 5/9/5 by Horn-E

Bloody Lips was out on her first solo job of haring. It showed. Actually after a bad start, it wasn’t bad. At least what I saw of it. The venue was the Lake Shore Grill, that secret little bar/restaurant in the city’s underbelly. From here we saw a runner jogging by and coaxed Just Rob to join us. While waiting to get going, Fist and Clits made the mistake of bending over in front of me to stretch. Never bend over in front of me while I am holding my horn. She jumped so high she almost grabbed Jupiter as it sailed by. I think she still tingles.

Our first check had us running in circles for about 72 hours. I actually went off in the correct direction with Lower Wackoff towards the lake. Unfortunately we didn’t go far enough looking for the first mark and everybody then ran in circles for a long, long, long, long time. Finally we were On and off to another check near the lake. Here Bloody Lips got us again as we headed south to a long false. The actual trail went over the river to, you guessed it, another check. I found this one and we ran to another check at Columbus and Grand. I didn’t see trail again until I stumbled onto the eagle trail near the finish. I started running it backwards until I saw Rhotan coming in the other direction. Having already run part of the eagle trail, I took the turkey On In.

I had run all over the River North area looking for trail. At one point I ran into Meister, also lost. Meanwhile the pack was drinking beer at the orgasm over the river fountain. Sounds like I missed a good beer stop.

Most of us made it back before the rains hit and we settled into some good beer, food and our usual circle. Rhotan started the circle by rambling on about SCH3. Eventually he settled into a decent job as RA until he neared the end and he started in rambling on about SCH3 again. Hey, it was a CH3 hash.