NOTES: The chorus is sung by everyone to start the song. The verses are recited by individuals, then the chorus is sung again. The chorus is sung to conclude the song.


Melody – The Little Brown Jug

Poetry, poetry,
How do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow,
But its poetry!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
That lamb was sure to go,
It followed her to school one day,
And a big black dog fucked it!


  • Little Miss Muffett,
    Sat on a tuffett,
    Eating her curds and whey,
    Along came a spider,
    That sat down beside her,
    And said, “What’s in the bowl, bitch?” (chorus)
  • There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,
    She had so many kids that her cunt would fit over a trash can!
  • Mary had a little lamb,
    Its fleece was sodden red,
    The reason for that, you see,
    Was the pickaxe through its head!
  • Jack and Jill,
    Went up the hill,
    Each had a buck and a quarter,
    Jill came down with two-fifty,
    What a whore!
  • Little Boy Blue,
    Because he needed the money!
  • Little Jack Horner,
    Sat in the corner,
    Eating his sister Mary,
    He stuck in his thumb,
    And pulled out a plum,
    And said, “Hey, what happened to the cherry?”
  • When Mary had a little lamb,
    The doctor was surprised,
    But when Old MacDonald had a farm,
    The doctor nearly died!
  • Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
    All the kings horses and all the kings men,
    Had one fucking big omelette!
  • Mary had a little lamb,
    Her father shot it dead,
    She still takes it to school each day,
    Between two hunks of bread!
  • Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
    Jack jumped over the candlestick,
    And singed his balls!
  • Mary had a little lamb,
    And it was always gruntin’,
    She tied it to a five-bar gate,
    And kicked its little cunt in!
  • Old Mother Hubbard,
    Went to the cupboard,
    To fetch her poor dog a bone,
    But when she bent over,
    Rover took over,
    Because Rover had a bone of his own!
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    That’s what they tell me,
    Because I’m blind!
  • Jack was nimble,
    Jack was quick,
    But Jill preferred the candlestick!
  • Mary had a little lamb,
    She kept it in a bucket,
    And every time she let it out,
    Her rottweiler would fuck it!