Chicago Hash House Harriers

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1510 @ Big Joe’s
Hash Trash: 9/24/07
Hares: Virgin Banger & Ez on the Ass
Venue: Joe�s Bar

VIRGINS: Just John, Just Mandy, Just Amanda, Just Marc, Just Dusty
VISITORS: Davey Crochet (Pinelake), Flavio (San Diego)
HASHERS: Chicken Stiffer, Stupid Man, Bloody Thighs, Just Chris, Just Jenn, Rotten Whore, Mount Me Puh�lzee, Virtually Hung, Just Patrick, Just Joseph, Cums in My Assfault, Or-G, Anal Assault, Just Tom, Just Marc, Asspocket, Ernest Cummingway, Just Molly, Just Katherine, Salted Gash, Its too Soft, Packher Arse, MudSucker, Spotted Cock, Renta Virgin, Just Mark, Man A Whore, 69-Cent Man,
VIRGINS= 5
TOTAL HASHERS= 38

This hash was billed as a birthday hash for EZ, VIRGIN BANGER, and STUMP HUMPER. 38 hashers showed up for this birthday hash. The venue was set as the turtle racing capital of the world, Joe�s on Foster. STUPID MAN was the first to arrive and he talked about his two high school boys that play football. I have never seen them play but they are supposed to be top players in the state. One is a quarterback and one a wide out. I would love to one day hear the call STUPID MAN JR. to STUPID MAN JR. for a touchdown. More hashers began to arrive and Chicago welcomed FLAVIO and JUST DUSTY in from San Diego via Lambeau where their beloved Chargers lost to the Packers over the weekend. Who said hashers don�t watch football? We also welcomed 4 virgins that showed up early to run with us JUST JOHN, MARC, MANDY, and AMANDA.

The hash began around 7:30 pm with a chalk talk from the hares and the pack was off. VIRTUALLY HUNG was the early pace setter down an alley followed closely by old man HORN-E. The trail wound its way towards Lawrence but not before the pack went through a park and climbed over a fence. JUST MARC was really getting the hang of the hash because he was the FRB tonight. 69-CENT MAN with his reconstructed knees kept plodding along. The trail went through the usually hospital area where JUST KATHERINE spotted trail come through the large parking lot and called the pack to follow. It was in this area where the unfortunate JUST MANDY lost her car key? Virtually Hung again found himself up front with ROTTEN WHORE and they worked their way through Welles Park, and on under to the el-train. All along the trail MOUNT ME PUH�LZEE�s cranium reflect the full moon that was out in force throughout the night. The pack found the trail making its way to casa de VIRGIN BANGER where the pack was met by a short cutting STUPID MAN and the beautiful RENTA VIRGIN. Heinekens for all!!! The Pack enjoyed the friendly confines of the VIRGINS backyard. OR-G, JUST PATRICK, JUST JOE, and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT all sat back and popped a beer.

The pack stayed for 20 minutes plus at the beer stop and then went back to the bar. VIRTUALLY HUNG ran the circle and punished STUPID MAN for being the FRB. JUST MOLLY and JUST KATHERINE were the FBI�s. The GM even remembered to give ASSPOCKET her lanyard and whistle she rightly deserved, of course the birthday people got their birthday down down too.

Back at the bar we also ran into ITS TOO SOFT and his small harem of PACKhER ARSE and SALTED GASH. They were the NRB�s along with DAVEY CORCHET and MUDSUCKER who showed up late. Even the MAN O WHORE rolled in drunk and disorderly. ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM acknowledge they are setting trail next week at 5200 N. Clark. It was too bad that BLOODY THIGHS had to leave early because I don�t think she got a down down. It was also different to see JUST JENN out with out the big MOLDY MAN SACK she carries around. It was nice to see about 40 hashers stuffing their collective faces with B-day cake brought by RENTA VIRGIN. The circle ended and the hashers went on their way. Hope to see all of you next week at the virgin trail of ANAL ASSAULT and JUST TOM.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1509 @ Relax Sports Bar
Hash Trash: 9/17/07
Hares: Too Much Head & Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Relax Sports Bar

VIRGINS: Just Ciara, Just Aaron, Just Gina
HASHERS: Just Chris, Horn-e, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Its too Soft, Calvin Klein, Mudsucker, Virtually Hung, Just Julie, Just Allen, Smell This, Virgin Banger, At Your Cervix, 69-cent Man, Mouthful of Meat, Org-E, Just Peter, Just Corinne, Rhotan, I�m Late Again, Assflack,
Virgins= 3
Total Hashers= 30

The Hare TOO MUCH HEAD was so well prepared for this trail she had a google map with the trail outlined and a beer stop already planned. Future hares should take note that scouting your trail before hand like TOO MUCH HEAD did can be a good thing. She even talked to Ray the owner of the bar and explained our need for singing and $5 pitchers which helped the night run well.

Overall you have to say that TOO MUCH HEAD did everything a hare needed to do. The pack formed outside of the bar around 7:30 pm and I gave the chalk talk for the benefit of our 3 virgins and relatively new hashers. The talk was short and the pack was off. The trail was picked up by VIRTUALLY HUNG and CALVIN KLEIN going north but is soon doubled back towards a familiar Polish-Catholic Church in the neighborhood. A check was laid in its parking lot with true trail again doubling back on itself. I believe JUST MOLLY or JUST JULIE found the trail going west which soon cut through the only alley in Chicago. The HEAD trail went south and crossed Diversey. The pack ran into a check and one of the littlest dogs every seen on trail here. HORN-E went east and JUST KATHERINE west with numerous others running south. The pack was stumped and HORN-E came running back thinking he was on the false trail but he finally figured out that he had the true trail called ON-ON!!! The pack wound its way back to the east where MUDSUCKER became confused by the split in the park and many ladies like JUST CIARA and JUST JULIE got drinks of water or used the bathroom. JUST CORINNE looked like she found true trail going towards Wrightwood and the pack was smiling again. They soon were frowning though when they came to the next check and VIRGIN BANGER and RHOTAN called on-on leading the pack on a long false trail. The pack rejoined the hare, CHICKEN STIFFER, at the check and found true trail quickly. The pack with ORG-E leading ran into the short back check that ran into a dead end before they came out to the Logan Boulevard Circle and monument. Here ORG-E called on-on but didn�t realize that he had missed the check and was really on a false trail. JUST MOLLY found true trail running south and called for JUST CHRIS to join her in the search for more marks. MOUTHFUL OF MEAT was accidentally spat on by a spitting RHOTAN who was trying to clear his nasal passages. CALVIN was somewhere lost out on trail and eventual ran backwards on marks to find the beer stop. The pack was closing in on the beer and needed a little more help from some rangers to find true trail crossing back across Logan to the north. AT YOUR CERVIX kicked it into high gear when she detected the faint smell of barley and hops wafting through the air. The pack ran back towards Diversey and one of virgins, JUST GINA, seemed to be stripping on trail?? ITS TOO SOFT refused to jump the short fence to the beer stop complaining; � I DO NOT HOP OVER THINGS WHEN I CAN�T SEE THE LANDING ZONE!!!� SMELL THIS and TOO MUCH HEAD had set up the beer stop behind some storefronts and we waved numerous times to the neighbor who kept popping his cranium out the window to see what the hell was going on!! The pack devoured the two cases of beer and meandered back the bar.

CALVIN ran the circle and it is comical to see people try to interrupt him week after week, it doesn�t work he just does the RA job too well for the hash to faze him. We were soon giving down-downs to the HARES. The virgins JUST CIARA, JUST AARON, and JUST GINA were taught how to perform a correct down-down by MUDSUCKER. CALVIN brought 69-cent man into the circle for setting of the metal detector, and VIRTUALLY HUNG was named the FRB. I�M LATE AGAIN showed up fashionably late and even later was ASSFLACK who decided to join the CH3 party. JUST PETER and JUST JULIE drank for being reboots and the circle continued. After 20 minutes of accusations CALVIN had the circle singing swing low and the circle closed. Most of us watched the CUBS come back against the REDS this night scoring three runs in the bottom of the ninth for a victory, and ITS TOO SOFT cried over his losing Eagles. Overall the trail was an excellent effort by the Virgin Hare TOO MUCH HEAD and we hope she
volunteers to hare in the near future.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1508 @ The Beaumont

Hash Trash: 9/10/07
Hares: Just Lauren
Venue: Beaumonts

VIRGINS: none
HASHERS: Just Chris, Chicken Stiffer, Triple D, Just Garth, Horn-e, Moldy Man Sac, Just Jenn, Packher Azz, Mount Schwiinga, Whack On Whack Off, Too Much Head, Just Katherine, Anal Assault, Just Tom, Just Molly, Just Amanda, Rotten Whore, Its too Soft, Salted Gash, Calvin Klien
Virgins= 0
Total Hashers= 21

This hash was JUST LAUREN’s virgin trail and she said she wanted to do it all by herself and she did, but she did get a little help from PACKhER AZZ. What can you say the rain started coming down but we still had 21 hashers show? Don’t you people have homes? Don’t you know you can catch cold? If the weather was nice I guess we would have had our usual 35-40 hashers out on trail?

JUST LAUREN gave us a quick chalk talk and then we were off to the North. JUST CHRIS and I stayed back because we had seen trail already coming from my house to the hash. The pack made a left on Webster by Glascotts and was going towards McGee’s, but the pack missed the right turn towards the DePaul campus that JUST MOLLY caught. The FRB spot was taken over by JUST JENN and MOLDY MAN SAC and they went back to the corner of Fullerton and Halsted. The pack found trail going back to the OZ park area and soon lost trail completely in the park.

I don’t know whom but my Guess was JUST KATERINE found trail in the blackness going towards the Halsted and Armitage corner where we ran into a check. I found trail that went west with our BIG-HUMP visitor WHACK ON WHACK OFF but we quickly ran into a three way split he choose correctly and was soon leading the pack towards the industrial area south of North Avenue. The trail ended at a construction site near Joe’s on Weed Street and JUST LARUEN had a case of beer waiting for us. Some unknown hashers supposedly ran down ROTTEN WHORE? Was it JUST LAUREN? HORN-E? Who was this hasher? The hash had to crawl under the fence and drink their beer but because of the rain we were off in a few minutes. The FBI’s were JUST MOLLY and TRIPLE D back into Beaumont’s where JUST NICK began pouring pitcher after pitcher of beer for us.

CALVIN KLEIN convened the circle and the down-downs were on. JUST LAUREN was punished numerous times for the trail, followed closely by CALVIN for his shitty weather. ITS TOO SOFT arrived and was the NRB. SALTED GASH and PACKhER AZZ announced that POP VII was going to take place on OCT. 13, 2007. We also punished CALVIN, ROTTEN, WHACK ON WHACK OFF, and ITS TOO SOFT for visiting other hashes. JUST AMANDA gave us a good lawyer joke along with ROTTEN WHOERE so they got out of their down-downs but not so for JUST GARTH who couldn’t come up with one?? Are not lawyers supposed to be able to think on their feet?? TOO MUSH HEAD has volunteered to set trail next week so we will see what she comes up with.

On a side note gentlemen the ratio of girls to guys tonight was 12:9 these are numbers that would even make BONER giggle!! I can’t remember many hashes were the ratio is right around 50:50 and its had been this way for the last several weeks at the CH3. See you all at TH3 or next MONDAY!!!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

The Tale of the Trail Chicago #1507 Labor Day Hash @ The Party Central Skydeck
Hares: Its Too Soft
Venue: The Skydeck @ Party Central

VIRGINS: Just Scott, Just Ed, Just Mark, Just Kristen
HASHERS: Just Amanda, Bloody Thighs, Just Chris, At Your Cervix, Just Chris II, Just Allen, Just Molly, Just Jenn, Cums in MyAssfault, Flying Hooters, Just Tom, Just Patrick, Special Ed Giver, Sirs Poops A lot, Just Julie, Just John, Just Luis, Just Dave, Just Jenn, Moldy Man Sac, Magnetic Muff, Mudsucker, Lifa, Sex Luthor, Just Stephane. Just Lauren, Packher Arse,
Virgins= 4
Total Hashers= 33

Those of us that couldn’t get out of town for the Holiday weekend had a great day to hash and long trail to run. ITS TOO SOFT laid a long trail that went north to Wrigley field before it turned west to the corner of Western and Irving Park. We started off with four new virgins joining our band of hashers on their trek for beer. The hash went north under the el tracks and popped out near Illinois Masonic Hospital with a major check, but the marks were closely clustered together and the pack got confused until JUST MOLLY found marks with JUST JOHN going north. The pack was now being lead by JUST CHRIS squared. They also had AT YOUR CERVIX in tow finding trail going towards the Belmont and Clark corner. Here the trail went thru an alley that I found with the help of JUST ALLEN. The trail seemed to die here but went back east thru Boys Town.

The pack went north to the Addison Police station and continued around Wrigley Field. JUST KRISTEN a new virgin was in the lead group with MOLDY MAN SAC and FLYING HOOTERS. The pack kept going east and could have used a wagon to cart some of the walking wounded west much like our pioneers of old, but most made it to the corner of Western and Irving Park. Here we found our BN but soon found the trail gone, wiped out by some dude washing his car and watering his grass.

I guess **** happens as they do on all trails with this being no exception. The FRB’s enjoyed water and LIFA joined JUST JENN, JUST PATRICK, and others waiting for the back of the pack to join us. I went back to relay marks to the beer stop that had been washed away. JUST ED, JUST DAVE, and JUST LUIS soon joined us. SIR POOPS came in with his special lady SPECIAL ED GIVER. The first beer stop had been found and the second was nearby but the pack had to use the el to find it.

The pack ran to the Western brown line stop and took the el to Fullerton where we ran 20 yards to old party central for the second beer stop. LIFA and I stopped at Dominick’s for needed provisions, TOLIET PAPER for the old party central. We also got the hash some chips and pretzels, which went over well. We finished off most of the beer and ran back to the roof deck.

ITS TOO SOFT used the keg winch to get the beer up and the hash was enjoying the familiar flavor of GOLD and COLD. The hash circled up and punished the FRB CHICKEN STIFFER and we also punished MAGENTIC MUFF for excessive whining. SEX LUTHOR and JUST STEPHANE showed up saying they saw the flag on trail and followed it to FUJI’s place so the got punished for being NRB’s. JUST JENN and JUST PATRICK need to keep their racing attire at home so they got a down-down as well.

WE finally brought in our virgins in the circle, JUST ED, JUST MARK, JUST SCOTT, and JUST KRISTEN, theygot their demo down � down before they were initiated to our happy hash. The POP ladies of JUST LAUREN, SALTED GASH, PACKhER ARSE, and LIKES IT ON DA BOTTOM announced their hash on OCT. 13 in the Lincoln Park Area. The circle was closed and the food was served. Afterwards we did finally come up with a name for JUST CHRIS who will be known as “OPEN WIDE”. The party lasted late into the evening with a free screening of Old School being played for the hashers that were left. See you all next week for JUST LAURENS trail.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM