Chicago Hash House Harriers

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1497 @ Murphy’s Bleachers

Hash Trash: 7/2/07

Hares: Just Chris, Just Carrie, and Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Murphy’s Bleacher Bar

VIRGINS: Just Heather, Just Pitt, Just Chris, Just Chuck, Just Jenn, Jus Katie,
Just Karen

HASHERS: Corn on the Cock, Just Kris, Packher Arse, A Salted Gash, Sex Luthor, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Assman, Princess Labia, Stump Humper, Virgin Banger, Bloody Thighs, Virtually Hung, Just Collen, Just Jenn, Just John, Ernest Cummingway, Asspocket, Just Kris, Just Leslie, Jus John, Magnetic Muff, Smell This, Hot Pants, Peterbilt, Cunt and Pasties, Its too Soft, Spotted Cock, Smelly Concha, Horn-e, Mount Schwinga, Bank of Spermerica, Hookah Hookah Burning Love, Mouthful of Meat, Calvin Klein, Batteries not Included.

Virgins= 7
Total Hashers= 45

This was another nice turnout for the Chicago Hash. We had 45 people show up and be counted for JUST CHRIS and JUST CARRIE’s virgin hare trail. The hash was billed as one you do not want to miss because of a very cool beer stop. I got back with my co-hares at 6:50 pm and again there were already 10 hashers waiting in anticipation of this fine trail. I took my seat and began collecting money from hashers like EZ on the ASS, PRINCESS LABIA, BLOODY THIGHS, SEX LUTHOR, and CP. I must say thank you for all of you who come up and pay me without having to ask for your money. Collecting hash cash is a thankless job for whomever does it and you people make it easy for me because I rarely have to ask anyone for his or her money. Many Hashers saw that Wrigley was under construction for the upcoming Police concert this weekend and JUST CHRIS even said wouldn’t it be cool to have circle in the Outfield since he doors were open? Nice try but security I think would have had an issue with that. The hash began at 7:35 and 30 seconds and I was happy to see CALVIN and BATTERIES show up right at the start. Thi meant I would have someone to run circle for this large group. The chalk talk commenced and we used all the standard marks for this hash because we had virgin hares that needed to learn the marks for trail. The pack was off going west down Waveland and stopped traffic at Clark. HORN-E I believe found the first mark after the split. Wankers like VIRTUALLY HUNG and SMELLY CONCHA were already far behind. The back of the pack included JUST KELLY, PACKERHER ARSE, CP, JUST CHUCK, and JUST JENN. I was sweeping so I barely saw anyone and gave these people a Short cut to the Beer stop at JUST CHRIS’S place. Hashers like HOOKAH HOOKAH BURNING LOVE, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SEX LUTHOR, and JUST JOHN took the eagle trail. Other hashers like MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, BLOODY THIGHS, and STUMP HUMPER took the turkey (chicken?) trail.

The Beer stop was at 3100 North Lake Shore Drive and was on the 21st floor of the building overlooking he lake. We have early confirmation that many people perceived this to be in the running for the best beer stop of the year!! We were up there for 10 minutes when JUST CARRIE arrived with the back of the pack and BATTERIES, SPOTTED COCK, ERNEST CUMMINGWAY, and others got to partake of beer and of the awesome view. See the pictures located at http://www.chicagohash.com/ to get my meaning. The hash after 20 minutes went back to the bar but not before PACKHER ARSE played with some knob like boobs on the way down the elevator. SMELLY CONCHA being the racist he is took the stairs all the way down!!! The trail went through boys town on the way back and the streets were packed with people on this beautiful night. BANK OF SPERMAMERICA almost became road kill crossing Broadway and heading west. We got back to the bar and were greeted by some non-runners, SMELL THIS, PETERBILT, HOT PANTS, CUNT AND PASTIES, and ITS TOO SOFT we are still glad to have you show even though you do not run. Our Bartender Katie poured us numerous pitchers of beer and CALVIN began the traditional circle. Punishment was handed out to the hares but I think the circle loved the beer stop!! So we were not hurt to badly.

STUMP HUMPER, VIRGIN BANGER, SPOTTED COCK, and HOOKAH were nailed for being reboots. We also welcomed our virgins: JUST HEATHER, JUST PITT, JUST CHRIS, JUST CHUCK, JUST JENN, JUS KATIE, JUST KAREN to the hash and judging by the comments it sounds like many are going to return next week. We also were happy to see the previous weeks virgins JUST JOHN, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST COLLEN come back and hash again for free!! Remember folks your 2nd hash is free at the CH3. We also meet Just Kris and CORN on the COCK who were visiting from DC. CALVIN soon closed the circle and many went on their way. If you did stay you got to see JUST KELLY named. Due to a comment on trail about a gash she had on her foot and it hurting because of the sweat, she has been named A SALTED
GASH!! See you all next week you wanks!!

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you
wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1496 @ Side Street Saloon

Hares: Virtually Hung & Mt. Scwiiinga
Venue: Side Street Saloon – 1456 W. George St.

This was the Virgin haring of MOUNT SCHWINGA and she was accompanied by VIRTUAL HUNG a veteran hare on this trail. We started off from a new venue the Side Street Café at 1456 N. George. Before I even arrived there were seven hashers there, and I arrived at 6:50 pm so this was a good sign. I was greeted tonight by CALVIN KLEIN, BATTERIES NOT INCULDED, BLOODY THIGHS, DICK IN SIDE HER, a virgin JUST COLLEEN, PACKER ARSE, and JUST CARRIE. This early turnout for told of another large turnout for this hash, and we had 40 hashers this night. The hash was graced with some more new blood that is swearing they will come back next week. JUST ANDY, JUST KRIS, JUST LESLIE, and JUST FOCHLEE showed up and added their names to the hash community. MILK MY YAK was kind enough to let us use his car as a bag wagon and OCCUPIED, CALVIN and I put our bags in his car and soon we were in our chalk talk. We brought our virgins out so they could see the marks, but hashers like RHOTAN and MUDSUCKER tried to have their own side conversations, which they were punished, later in Circle by our RA CALVIN.

VIRTUALLY HUNG gave the chalk talk but while doing so a few more hashers walked up like CP, JUST JIM, and BIG HEAD LITTLE BALLS. The pack of 30-plus was soon away and the Hash was off wandering the streets of Lakeview. The trail tonight went in a northwestern direction and our FRB for a little time was JUST ANDY. RHOTAN and DICKIN SIDER were also seen near the front, those Second City racists. MY LITTLE PONY caught up to me outside Hamlin Park and I laughed that JUST BESSIE was in front of him, but that was my MISTAKE because it was another blond Bimbo, FLYING HOOTERS, in the distance leading the way. MILK MY YAK was running along 8 days after his Appendectomy, YIKES!! He was even drinking beer, which shows how good our modern medicine really is. JUST KRIS and LESLIE look like they have been hashing for years and swear they are back next week. We passed the ballpark and soon you would could here the Horn of E behind us on trail again. You really have to give to a guy that still hashes at age 60+. The trail went across Western Ave. and went behind Lane Tech HS, which was where the beer stop was supposed to be, but due to some confusion the front of the pack seemed to miss it. The pack meet up with BONER MALFUNCTION and SMELL THIS who were auto hashing today which they know is a big NO NO or DOWN DOWN. The pack got to Belmont and Western and went down Clybourn to find true trail. I was now with JUST ANDY AND JUST KRIS who were doing an excellent job checking trail for a tired GM. The pack made it back to the bar and had to wait a little while for the back of the pack, which caught the beer stop. I heard BLOODY THIGHS, CP, JUST BRENDA, JUST KELLY enjoyed some cold beer while many went without, C’est La Vie. (A Good rule of thumb if you see a BN and go more than a ¼ mile there is a good chance you MISSED the beer stop so run back!!) Calvin got the circle going and proceeded to punish the aforementioned MUDSUCKER and RHOTAN for their cackling like old women during chalk talk. The Hash said hello to our newest members JUST FOCHLEE, JUST ANDY, JUST LESLIE, JUST COLLEEN, and JUST KRIS, remember that your second hash is free. The hares of MOUTN SCHWINGA and VIRTUALLY HUNG were doing down downs all night for the beer stop mistake but that is they way the hash rolls. PACKER ARSE and JUST KELLY got their lanyards and whistles for sticking with the hash for so long, nice job ladies we haven’t scared you of yet? MUDSUCKER was made to wear the SIN CITY DFL award for being duh the DFL!! We welcomed back TWO TICKETS to the hash after she has been gone with a broken collarbone. She probably got it while running a tough woods trail. CP we hear is moving to somewhere new? And MAGNETIC MUFF assures me she is paying for her 1500 hash rego soon. How can we forget the man

in the middle ITS TOO SOFT who kept snapping pictures of this event all night long. This way we can be assured that we have now sighted JUST DEBRA for a third time at a CH3 event. Much thanks goes out to BATTERIES NOT INCLDED, SCHWINGA and JUST CARRIE who helped all night long keep the hash in beer. WE can also thank CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT for helping to pour out said beer to mighty thirsty hashers. If I forgot to mention someone or failed to see you I apologize there were over 40 people present and again it seemed like we are getting a greet mix of new young hashers with our older crowd.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1495 @ Rabbit’s

Hares: Rearloader & Horn-E
Venue: Rabbits Foster & Elston

VIRGINS: Just John
HASHERS: Lord Farque (Singapore Hash), Brother Love (San Juan), Pack her Arse, Just Kelly, Occupied, Chicken Stiffer, My Little Pony, Just Bessie, Sex Luthor, Happy Ass Grabber, Ez on the Ass, Canned Pussy, Just Jenn, Magnetic Muff, Just Lori, Just Joe, Virtually Hung, Lower Whackoff, Its Too Soft
Virgins=1
Total Hashers= 20

The hash was billed as a thank you hash for Rearloader because he is retiring from the Chicago Hare-Razor job. We had 20 hashers show up to say thank you Rear for a job well done. The weather on Monday did not seem to diminish our pack. The trail started from Rabbits and went north with the typical FRB’s leading the way. HAPPY ASS GRABBER and MY LITLE PONY led the way with SEX LUTHOR close behind. The trail entered the woods near where the Highway crosses over the north fork of the Chicago River. The trail paralleled the golf course and JUST BESSIE and CHICKEN STIFFER took the easy way by running the golf course fairways instead of contending with tree branches on my 6-foot frame. The trail cut back west and EZ on the ASS barreled through all the barriers and brush in front of him. The path led us to the Beer stop where HORN-E was ankle deep in the river handing out beer. (a note to future hares if you are going to run the pack through water let us know before hand so we can bring proper attire and shoes. We have many new people in the hash now and they do not know to do this at certain venues.) MAGNETIC MUFF and most of the pack soon joined him for a beer. VIRTUALLY HUNG played the chivalrous part of guiding CP and JUST LORI to the meeting point.

The pack got their fill of beer and slogged back in wet shoes to RABBITS. The circle began outside and the VIRTUALLY HUNG lead the circle in giving out proper punishment for the hares. OCCUPIED and LORD FARQUE and BROTHER LOVE sang us whip it out at the ball game for the visitor song. JUST JOHN was welcomed as the virgin for the day. ITS TOO SOFT showed up in a collared shirt and was nailed for being a Non-Running wuss. A local denizen of Rabbits hit upon PACKER HER ARSE and JUST KELLY and he even wanted to buy JUST KELLY a condo and be a kept women. We were happy to see JUST JENN make it back to the hash as well. It has been nice to see LOWER WHACKOFF making it to the hash on a regular basis at the Chicago Hash again. He was a regular back when I first started hashing and was gone for a while. Well that is it for now as I sum this up from the SIN CITY HASH, which I am currently hashing with for 3 days. Last night we ran through major shiggy and ran along the east cliffs of the city that overlooks the OHIO RIVER. They even allowed the CHICAGO GM to run the circle last night and since they asked me back tonight I am going to guess that I did a decent job. ON OUT from CHICKEN STIFFER and hope to see you all at FUJI’s or at Mondays hash at 1400 block of West George.

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1494 @ The Beamont

Hares: Chicken Stiffer
Venue: Beaumont’s 2020 N. Halsted

VIRGINS: Just Evan, Just Lauren II, Just Dale
HASHERS: Mouthful of Meat, Batteries Not Included, Calvin Klein, Just Lauren, Bloody Thighs, 69-Cent Man, Just Chris, Just Kess, Just Carrie, Just Jenn, Princess Labia, Boner Malfunction, My Little Pony Pack-Her Arse, Just Bessie, Magnetic Muff, Horn-e, Just Kelly, Just John, Its Too Soft, Mud Sucker, Chip-n-Dale, Debbie Does Doctors, Mr. Cheesecake, Pussy Galore, DGAS, Mount-me Puh’lzee, Coffee-Tea Or Me, Barks on al Fours, Peterbilt, Man O Whore, Just Nick, Mount Schwinga
VISITORS: OCCUPIED, KITTY LITTER-JOLLY ROGER HASH TAMPA, DGAS
Virgins=3
Total Hashers= 40

The hash was billed as a farewell to PUSSY GALORE hash and the Chicago Hash came through. 40 hashers showed up to pay their respects and say good-bye to the best Pussy in the hashing world. If you want to see her now you will have to make that trip to Barbados where the weather is warm and the rum is wet. The Hash began at 2020 N. Halsted at Beaumonts, a usual hash friendly Bar. Where our famous bartender watches our bags while we hash. The Chicago hash is really getting young with several of the new hashers like JUST CARRIE, MY LITTLE PONY, JUST BESS, JUST JENNY, JUST CHRIS, JUST JOHN, and PACK HER ARSE, and JUST KELLY bringing young blood to the hash. We really are a group of hashers in the 25-35 year-old age range now. CALVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED arrived early to take advantage of the $5 pitchers but they were not earlier than CHICKEN STIFFER who met our visitor KITTY LITTER for drinks around 6 pm, thank God I already had laid trail. The Hash weather and location had much to do with our turn out of 40 hashers. Remember people if you want hashers to show make it public transportation convenient and parking friendly. Many people did park at Lincoln Park High School including our visitor and PRINCESS LABIA.

The hash went out at 7:30 pm and took over a piece of sidewalk where I gave the chalk talk. During the chalk talk MOUNT ME PUH’LZEE arrived with COFFEE, TEA or ME and BARKS ON ALL FOURS and he asked in a loud voice where is the beer stop?? DO you think I’m really going to tell the whole hash where the beer stop is at you fool? After CALVIN took over introductions, the pack ran south to the corner where there was a split, HORN-E went east and JUST BESS and MY LITTLE PONY went south. HORN-E went the right way but soon ran right by the next mark and was lost within a minute of starting the hash go figure? I watched JUST BESS and pack run by the Armitage corner and turn down an alley soon they ran by the same corner again because this was the first of many circle jerks on trail. The pack came to a check at LPHS and CHIP-N-DALE found the false trail leading into Oz Park but BATTERIES found true trail going down and alley was soon joined by MR. CHEESECAKE in leading the pack to the Fire Station on Larabee. The sizable pack of 35+ soon found the back check and KITTY LITTER with JUST LAUREN found trail going through the city garden behind the fire station and went south down Larabee. The back of the pack was made up of MOUNT SCHWINGA, JUST KELLY, PACK-HER ARSE, and JUST LAUREN. I was sweeping and helping our virgins JUST DALE and JUST LAUREN II find their way down to Lincoln Park. I did not see much of the pack until I got to Old Party Central, but heard that many hashers were mad about the long false trail they found at my home in the hopes of it being the beer stop? I was told that BONER MALFUNCTION was mad but OCCUPIED said the F means false trail right? The pack had to back track and find their way to the real beer stop at Old Party Central where they were treated to semi-cool beer?

MR. CHEESECAKE hung the hash flag on party centrals gate so the surrounding people would know who was there. JUST JOHN and JUST JENNY were happy to be back hashing with us and they wore their haberdashery with pride!!! The beer was soon gone and the trail went thru the DePaul campus with and interesting squeeze between one of the dorms and a fence.

MAGNETIC MUFF led the pack thru here and back to the bar. We arrived at the bar and PETERBILT was there with DGAS and later the other non-runners showed in MUDSUCKER and MAN O WHORE. The hash was enjoying fine beer for a few minutes before the circle was to commence. 69-CENT MAN set up shop and was providing numerous pieces of running literature to the hash but he did not know when Polish Constitution Day was next year? HORN-E was seen cornering apprehensive virgins and veteran hashers to promote his naked hash? CALVIN got the circle of 40 hashers going and suitable punishments were given out. The Hare was punished for warm beer and JUST KELLY was punished again for missing last week’s hash along with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. PUSSY GALORE finally got her lanyard and whistle as her goodbye gift. DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS was a reboot. COFFEE and MOUNT ME were congratulated for their next little hasher. The hash flash ITS TOO SOFT with his quick draw camera covered the whole night. The circle was soon closed but the party and dancing went on till 1:30 am and we owe thanks to JUST NICK for the free pizzas and numerous free Labatts pitchers. Many hashers like TRIPLE D paid the price the next day for the numerous beers the night before. See you next week!!! And check out http://www.chicagohash.com/ to see the pictures of all the young new hashers whooping it up at the hash!!!

Remember also 1500th hash on JULY 21st is fast approaching so pay up you wankers!

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM