Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1489

Hash Trash: 5/7/07
Hare: 69-cent Man, Virgin Banger, Ernest Cummingway
Venue: Czerwone Jabluszko (Red Apple)

HASHERS:
JUST BRENDA, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, LOWER WHACKOFF, EZ ON THE ASS, REARLOADER, MOUNT SHWINGA, MENAGE A TWAT, JUST AMY, JUST ERIN, JUST KELLY, BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, MAGNETIC MUFF, HORN-E, MAGNETIC MUFF, SPOTTED COCK, CHEAP DATE, PUKE SUIT RIOT, SINGLE WIDE MOBILE HO, ITS TOO SOFT, SMELLY CONCHA, FLYING HOOTERS, TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR OF THIGHS, JUST BRENDA, PRINCESS LABIA, STOCKS & BONDAGE, DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS, JUST SHAWN, JUST PATTI, CHICKEN STIFFER, AND JUST TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS (69-cents mans friends)
TOTAL= 34 hashers

The start of this hash actually began on December 27, 2006. A short 10 days after CH3 had its 1469/Anthrax Hash, its largest hash every attended, when I got an e-mail and phone call from 69-CENT MAN because he was trying to nail down the details of the Polish Constitution Day Hash set for May 7, 2007. If you know 69-CENT MAN he is relentless and tries to be very methodical in his preparation for his PCDH. This year was no exception and I think many you including myself owe him a thank you for setting up this hash which was well attended and fun for those that showed even though we did start 1/2 hour early. Before the hash started the hash welcomed back SMELLY CONCHA, JUST BRENDA, and JUST SHAWN. I guess we can applaud SMELLY CONCHA for bringing virgins but we do miss him when he does not show up. It was fun watching FLYING HOOTERS try to parallel park her car, back and forth-back and forth. Maybe we should wait outside all the time to start the hash.
The Hash started sharply at 7:13 pm. The Hash went south along Milwaukee Ave. with CALVIN KLEIN in the FRB position followed closely by REARLOADER and the FBI, TWO TICKETS. I hung back waiting for PRINCESS LABIA to lock her bike and put her bag in the Shag wagon before she was ready to hash. The pack looked great from behind with the majority of people waving POLSKI flags around to the innocent bystanders who were to be the recipients of the PCDH. I don�t know when but MOUTHFUL OF MEAT made it into the pack the pack as well at some point. The trail set by VIRGIN BANGER and ERENST CUMMINGWAY turned back north and ran across Belmont Avenue. STOCKS AND BONDAGE was seen on trail multi-tasking what I mean smoking and running just how does he do it? JUST AMY and JUST KELLY were seen dragging the hash virgin, JUST ERIN along the trail, glad both of you could make it and bring a friend, that is the name of the game in the CHICAGO HASH bring a friend.
The pack craniumed south and ran by the old Polish church that was the site if the ON-IN two years ago for the PCDH. I think I heard some says there goes Jesus but I said, No its just HORN-E. We kept running south and mainly west through a Chicago park where the Hispanic contingent of the park took exception to our Polish Flags. We crossed Western Ave.? I think and hit the beer stop. SPOTTED COCK was first sighted here along with MOUNT SCHWINGA. Thank God no one drank the swill from Saturdays beer stop that the hare tried to pawn off on an unsuspecting hasher. The pack drank their own swill and made it back to the RED APPLE.
Here all hell breaks loose we have hashers crying I want to eat or hashers crying I need my beer, In the end much like Anthrax, Chinatown, Memorial Day, or any other event hash we run at CH3 it all works out in the end. The people who wanted beer like CALVIN got Beer and REARLOADER was seen being rolled out after gorging himself on perogis and Polish sausage!! The circle was convened and much grumbling was heard from a certain corner where PRINCESS LABIA and EZ on the ASS were sitting but I don�t think it was PRINCESS?? The hares were pummeled for crossing Thursdays trail and pummeled again for not having the keg ready in an instant. JUST ERIN, JUST BRENDA, and JUST SHAWN got their own virgin down-down so welcome to the hash. ERNEST even got his own lanyard and whistle for his 10th hash!!! LOWER WACKOFF and DEBBIE DOES DOCTORS where reboots and numerous other violations were enforced by the RA-CALVIN.
Late at night 10:30 pm we were kicked out and I ended up finishing the keg with ITS too SOFT, 69-CENT MAN, SINGLE WIDE, PUKE SUIT, and HORN-E. TWO TICKETS was there but soon flew back to her condo off of Cumberland. Numerous gangsters who for some apparent reason kept walking by in a new outfit but same hairdo, WEIRD, were eyeballing us?!?!?!?!? SINGLE WIDE and PUKE SUIT were seen making a get away in the convertible followed closely by FUJI AND I. Again overall another great Polish Constitution Day Hash and thanks for coming.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1489

Chicago Hash #1489

WHEN: 7:00 p. m. (CDT), Monday, May 7, 2007.

WHERE: Czerwone Jabluszko (AKA Red Apple), 3121 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago, 60618,http://redapplebuffet.com/. The parking lot in the back is very small, so plan on street parking.

HARES: $.69 Man and Virgin Banger.

BEER: Keg of Okocim beer, as usual, will be provided by the Stanley Stawski Distributing Co.,www.stawskidistributing.com . Just remember that Okocim has a high alcohol content, so if you guzzle this like Miller Lite or water, you will get drunk.

PRICE: If you eat the buffet: $1.00 (hash tax) + $8.49 (+ tax).
If you do not wish to eat: $6.00.

DRESS: Wear an Okocim, or other Polish shirt (provided that it is not from a non-Stawski Polish beer). Perhaps we will get more shirts this year.

PARTICULARS: We will have the chalk talk at 7:00, because they advertise a closing time of 9:00 p. m., and their kitchen staff doesn’t like to stay open any longer than is necessary. As long as we pay for the food and go through the self-serve cafeteria line prior to 9:00 p. m., they will let us eat it. Let’s work with them.

We should plan on leaving there around 9:45, and definitely be out of there by 10:00, so they can set their alarm. Those who want to stay out longer can go to Bialystok, 3653 W. Diversey Ave., where they have large $5 pitchers. The side streets out of Milwaukee Ave. are very complicated, so the easiest way is to proceed southeast on Milwaukee Ave. to the stoplight (Central Park), where you will make a right turn (southbound) to the next stoplight (Diversey), where you will make another right turn (westbound). The bar is on the south side of Diversey, east of Lawndale. The door is locked, so you must press the doorbell.

The buffet is excellent, ane at that price, it’s a bargain. They made the food that we bought when the venue was the St. Hyacinth School cafeteria, and everyone loved it. The only problem is that there wasn’t enough of it.

This is the ideal venue, due to the food, Polish atmosphere, and location. We tried to use it in previous years, but they wouldn’t let us bring in the keg, and they were too hard headed to realize that they would make $ on the food if they allowed us in.

When I learned that the Wrightwood Skewers and Cafe (last year’s venue) was out of business, I had to find another venue. Due to my previous rejections there (Red Apple), I would not have gone back, but a friend, who somewhat knew the owner, talked to a manager to get us in their reservations book. He explained that we would have the keg, but that they would make money on the food, as well as beer that we would buy once our keg was empty. Just to be sure that there was no doubt about the keg, I went there myself and said the same thing. I then had the manager write her name on the back of the business card so that I can tell people who I talked to in case there is any problem.

As for the circle, we may want to do it in their small parking lot, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it.

On-On!
$.69 Man

Run to Remember 2007

WE NEED YOU!!!!

Who: Calling All Hashers!

What: Run to Remember 5K – Beverage Station

When: Saturday, May 5th, 2007. Report at 6:00 a.m. (okay, I’ll accept hash time from some of you …..), but the Race starts at 8:00 a.m., and it’s only a 5K. The first runners will reach us about 7 1/2 or 8 minutes after the gun. So we have to be ready, and have enough liquid refreshment poured for up to 2,500 participants.

Where: First, go to Gold Star Families Memorial & Park, immediately east of Soldier Field. Parking will be free at the Soldier Field Waldron Deck (i.e. the parking structure just south of Soldier Field). Report to the Volunteer Check-in Tent. Get checked in, and get your volunteer t-shirt (a keepsake you will treasure for years to come….) Stash your volunteer t-shirt somewhere, and put on your hash shirts.

From there you will go to Monroe Harbor, at (duh) Monroe Street). We will set up just south of the Yacht Club. where the runners will pass us heading south on the concrete path along the water.

Why: Because the Cops love us (for some reason….).

Start your Cinco de Mayo off right – with Cervesa! We need a few able-bodied men and women to help the hashers who have already signed up Since I can’t find any, I’m asking for more hashers….. We will pour Smart Water and ….. “smarter water”….. to serve the runners and protect them from de-hydration. Yes, that’s our job – “to serve and protect”….

This is a great opportunity to promote the Hash to the men and women in blue, and let them know that “we aren’t all that bad, either”… (Thanks, Mount Me….)

Really, the cops love us and really want us there. They consider us part of the event…..

Let me know that you will join us at:
[email protected], or
[email protected], or
[email protected], or
[email protected], or
(708) 386-4660, or
(917) 318-4945, or
carrier pigeon, or
a note tied to a rock thrown through the window, or
banner tied to the back of a bi-plane, or
any other creative ideas that you may have.

Thank you, and On-on,

Ballsalotapus

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1487

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1487 Opening Day @ Party Central Skydeck
The Chicago Hash, Hidden Shamrock, 4/22/2007 by Chicken Stiffer

Hare: It’s Too Soft and Cheap Date
Venue: Party Central
HASHERS:
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED, MOUNT-ME PUHLZEE, HORN-E, CUM IN MY ASSFAULT, CHICKEN STIFFER, BARKS ON ALL FOURS, VIRTUALLY HUNG, SPOTTED COCK, MOUTHFUL OF MEAT, CHEAP DATE, OR G, JUST MARY, JUST CHRISTINA, SQUEEZE THESE, SPECKIE, SPAWN OF SPECKIE, JUST DO ME SLOWLY, SMELL THIS, B.O.B, MAGNETIC MUFF, CHIP-N-DALE, DAVEY CROCHET, LEX LUTHER, JUST JULIA, JUST NANCY, ORGAN GRINDER, CUMS DRIPPING WET, MOUNT SCHWINGA, MUDSUCKER, CUNT AND PASTIES, PETERBILT, JUST DAVE, BONER MALFUNCTION, JUST AMY, JUST KELLIE, STAB’EM AND SLAB’EM, JUST JENNIFER, C.P., CUT THE CHEESE LOG, AND HOOKED ON TONICS.

The GM showed up at the Beer stop with the New CH3 Haberdashery and was immediately accosted by the ladies of the hash because we have new ladies t-shirts. I was amazed to see that we had about 40 hashers show up for this hash. I guess if you bill it they will cum? The beer stop ended and I was grabbed by ITS TOO SOFT to get the keg with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. The only problem was his usual liquor store was closed and he missed the turn for it in his car. In fact you can call this hash ITS TOO SOFT is to slow day because he put his cold beer flag up upside down. His trail had marks pointing at each other. I think the next time he sets trail the hash will have to appoint someone to sit on him the night before so he doesn’t get too wasted to set trail the next day.

Playing the role of RA I found out that this trail must have really been something to laugh about. I even saw those small marks the next day on the way to a Cubs game. We had three virgins join us in the circle JUST DAVE, JUST KELLY, and JUST AMY. We were happy to see new faces on such a nice day. W e had some visitors in from Atlanta LEX LUTHOR, DAVEY CROCHET, and JUST CHRISTINA? They sang us a nice load rendition of hash tones, which never over came the noise of the Brown line next to us. JUST MARY has become a regular and she was brought in the circle for being so beautiful in her new HASH T-SHIRT. BATTERIES AND HORN-E got down downs for bringing virgins?? What’s wrong with that? The Hares drank numerous times which maybe why ITS TOO SOFT did hang his flag upside down. VIRTUALLY HUNG and SMELL THIS sang us the MONKEY POX song, which we had not heard in a while. The circle lasted for about 40 minutes and then the Food took about 2 hours to cook.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

CH3 #1487

Sunday 4/22/2007 Meet @ 2pm, Out @ 2:30pm
Chicago HHH #1487 Spring In Chicago Hash
Hare(s): It’s Too Soft & Mystery Hare or Hares?
Venue: Hidden Shamrock – 2723 N Halsted

There will be 2 new styles of CHICAGO HASH Shirts in 4 different colors with Numerous
differnet types of womens t-shirts.

Mens- shirts- $10
ladies shirts- $12

If you really want to miss messing up Party Central on a 70 degree day be a lame ass!!!!

CH3 #1485

unday 4/8/2007 Meet @ 2pm, Out @ 2:30pm
Chicago HHH #1485 Easter Hash
Hare(s): Virtually Hung & Cum in my Assfault
Venue: El Casa de Hung – 4619 N. Magnolia Ave.

There will likely be some give aways, candy, perhaps an egg hunt, and food… but no guarantees until we get our rabbit turds together.

More details will be forwarded in short order!

Tale of the Trail – CH3 #1484

Tale of the Trail – Chicago Hash #1484

The Chicago Hash, 1 Apr 2007 by Horn-E

Princess Labia and Boner Malfunction laid this rainy trail. The RA, Calvin Klein will be punished for this. I counted 17 at the start. Not bad for a rainy day. That is, compared to recent numbers. So that was a surprise. They laid the trail in flour, so the marks weren’t to bad considering the rain. Well, that and the fact that it was a Boner Malfunction trail. We took off down some city streets. Hey, that is all there is around there. I caught a split and led to the first Check. Here is where we lost Calvin Klein and Smell This. The out trail was to close to the in trail and they followed the trail backwards, past the second beer check and to the first beer check. Meanwhile we ran in a light rain and finally hit a neighborhood grocery where Boner Malfunction was waiting with dollars for everyone to go in and pool their money together for six packs. We then headed over the Smell This‘s back porch to drink the beer. I managed to talk to Virtually Hung and found out that he was recruited as a hare to help carry something up to the third floor. That sounds like a keg. Why are we standing on a cold porch drinking bottles while there is a keg waiting? Then we were off again and following Calvin Klein who was now running what he already ran as he led us to the second beer stop in a park. Here we stood in the rain, drinking beer while there was a keg waiting for us at the finish, inside, warm, dry. Eventually we were off and we again followed Calvin Klein, which was good because the marks were being washed away by this time. He led us to a third beer stop. A third beer stop. We have a keg waiting. Oh. this one is in a porn shop. An adult toy store. We had beer in one hand while we fondled various toys with the other. Hmmm. Barks On All Fours was off looking for something special with Milk My Yak. That trapeze looked great. Chicken Stiffer was trying to remember which flag was his, the red one in the back room or the rainbow one in the store. Its Too Soft was taking pictures of various things for ideas for his next rooftop party. Speckle Bird, yes Speckle Bird actually came out. He was looking for bottle rockets and hair spray. Virgin Banger and Smell This were looking at a harness for Boner Malfunction for Memorial Day. Ernst Cummingway was off in the corner reading books and getting ideas for his next great novel novel. Just Mike was looking to get named in a threesome with Mount Schwinga and Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs. Mount him between their thighs and buy him two tickets to Schwinga heaven. I was just looking for all of these great toys I wanted to try out with Cum In My Ass Fault. Virtually Hung was looking at all of the dildos and thinking, THAT’S HUNG. Peter Cock In Tail was standing next to him and thinking about peters and cocks in tail. Hmmmm! And as for Princess Labia, think how convenient it is to live above this place. “Hold that position for a few minutes while I make a quick trip down stairs.” But back to beer. We still had beer up stairs and all of the bimbos blew their little penis whistles, again and again as they led us up to the heavens above. The keg was tapped, we drank, and Calvin Klein led us in a circle. Smell This and Calvin Klein for FRB. Barks On All Fours for DFL. Its a habit. FBI was Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs. And our visitor from DC, Peter Cock In Tail, got a down down and sang us the Hot Vigina song. Eventually Flying Hooters showed up. Pizzas were served and I understand that some stayed until after midnight and the keg still wasn’t floating. Just a hint. If we are paying for a keg, perhaps we don’t need three beer stops with cans of beer, while some of the keg will go to waste. But that beer stop in the toy store was good. Best of the year so far.

CH3 #1484

Sunday 4/1/2007 Meet @2pm, Out @2:30pm
Chicago HHH #1484 April Fool’s Day Hash
Hare(s): Princess Labia & Boner Malfunction
Venue: Mac’s American Food & Drink – 1801 W Division St

Now you all know since it’s Princess Labia and Boner Malfunction setting trail, it will be
shitty, but also know this: There will be multiple beer stops and shot checks, challenges at
every beverage stop, and you *will *have to brave the ins and outs of the jungle (aka:
Wicker Park).

The trail will be an A to B to ??? *The A and the ??? will be close (or will they?)

A: Mac’s at 1801 W. Division St. (Yes, Mac’s is the dominant hash location in Wicker Park,
we just couldn’t miss a stop at this legendary location. Happy April Fool’s Day!)

Directions: *Blue line* to Division stop. Walk West on Division.