Chicago Hash House Harriers

1.13.MMVII

CHICAGO HASH HOUSE HARRIERS #1473

Well I guess you can call this the trail of additions because by the end of the circle we had twenty hashers present either for the trail or drinking at the bar. We also had to use one of our hashers in her official capacity of VET, more on this later. The trail started of in a queer manner because PETERBILT showed up before trail? and then took off to watch the football games. I wish I could have done that because there was some great games played that day. REAR LOADER gave us a chalk talk and SUGAR NIPPLES gave me JUST GUNNER to run with. Lets see hash flag or GUNNER next time I will run with the flag. The weather prediction of rain for the day turned out to be false and we had 40-degree weather to hash in with no rain. VIRTUALLY HUNG got a down for the great weather by MOUTHFUL OF MEAT for this. The trail went north and followed the el-tracks for 1/4 of a mile and then went back east. LIFA and MAGNETIC MUFF found a check on a six-way corner and were mislead by the
hare so they had to come back south. The latecomers of BONER MALFUNCTION, TWO TICKETS TO A PAIR THIGHS, and T-FRIDGE soon joined us on trail.

It seemed that the pack was being lead by our visitors from SIN CITY, SERVING SEAMEN and SOGGY SPARKS. These two had some fun and they bought haberdashery too. Soon the pack traveled down Montrose to the lakefront and there the pack hit a check that GUNNER the dog sniffed out. MAGNETIC MUFF took over FRB duties with MOUTHFUL OF MEAT. They along with FLYING HOOTERS lead us into the beer stop, which was provided by NUTTIN BITCH and JUST MARK her man. Deep in the bowels of the beer stop JUST GUNNER ate the big blue mint, which turned out to be rat poison left to kill unwanted hashers. The pack placed a call to CP who advised SUGAR NIPPLES to feed the dog hydrogen peroxide to get GUNNER to vomit. I asked why not use beer because it seems to work that way for the hash? We all do hope that JUST GUNNER is ok and can hash another day!!

The pack warmed up and drank their beers. Many of the older hashers remembered that we used to use the basement of NUTTIN for circles in the past. We also got her to promise she would be back once a month to hash with us because we do miss her. The pack took off and made it back to the HOLIDAY CLUB where we took advantage of the food but more importantly the $5 pitchers. VIRTUALLY HUNG ran the circle. We called in REARLOADER for allowing a hasher to eat the big blue mint. The pack also serenaded our visitors who claimed they had a good time. But the talk of the night was the arrival of the girls from Wisconsin. Those of you that left early missed the arrival NUCLEAR, NACHO CHEESE, and JUST LAURA. They were soon dancing on tables and collecting dollars from bar patrons. Man do those girls form the North know how to party. Around 7 pm the hash broke up and I plus the girls of the north meet up with SHAVE MY WIFE PLEASE too watch the gophers vs. badgers hockey game.
I guess they stayed out til the bar closed 2 am what are hashers for?

CHICKEN STIFFER

CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail
12.30.06
Hares: It�s too Soft, Pardon my Flaps, Just Do Me Slowly

The trail started from Hi-Tops in the Wrigleyville area on a sunny Saturday afternoon. We welcomed BRRRR our hasher from Texas to the Chicago Hash again. PARDON MY FLAPS brought a virgin named JUST ROB to run with us as well. After a quick chalk talk by ITS TOO SOFT the pack was off. EZ ON THE ASS carried the CH3 colors today and came very close to his most favorite place in Chicago Wrigley Field. HAPPY ASS GRABBER found the trail and it circled back around Wrigley thru the usually car wash area west of the field. CAN�T BEAT and I found picked up the scent and we ran down Clark making a right at Sluggers and here the trail went back North. The FRB�s were able to call back to CP and CUMS IN MY ASSFAULT to shortcut the trail. FURBURGER caught up to HAPPY and I and we went north to Clark and Grace where we found our first check of the day. FURBURGER not used to being and FRB check hanged and the pack caught up to the FRB�s.
The trail went west again and was picked up by PUKE SUIT RIOT and SINGLEWIDE MOBILE HOME. JUST ROB looked like he was having fun on trail but it was rather long and straight for a CH3 hare. The pack kept heading west and hashers like ARE THEY REAL and SAN FRANCISCO TREAT plodded along to the beer stop. Which was near the corner of Lincoln and Newport. Champagne and beer were served along with sparklers. The hash celebrated the last hash of the year by waving their sparklers around. After a few beers the pack filtered back to Hi-Tops. CAVIN KLEIN and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED were waiting for us back there and soon the circle was made. We made 3-RING SPERM KISS the visiting GM from Waukesha drink a down down. And who can forget BUSHWACKER and HORN-E who also made out for the hash today. After about 15 minutes of the circle BONER, SMELL THIS, and HUMPTY DUMPTY arrived throwing the circle into utter chaos. Hopefully we will see you at the TH3 hash, which promises to
be an experience.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3-GM

Tale of the Trail – 5th Annual Great Chicago Anthrax Scare & Santa Run

12.16.06 1469/Anthrax/Santa Hat Hash

The mismanagement team showed up around 1:45 pm and was helped out by VirtualY Hung, Copulator, and U got MY ROD with the 100 lbs of gear we had to carry mainly 60-70 lbs worth of Haberdashery. Rear loader and I handed out shirts and tags and collected regos. It was funny to see a rendition of Jesus saves performed with what looked like a real Jesus in the middle (HORN-E). It was pretty cool to see many old faces like LICK HER HARD and SMELLY CONCHA return to the hash but we also had many virgins including JUST AMY, JUST ANTOINETTE, JUST JOHN, JUST DO ME SLOWLY wait she’s not a virgin!!! I also meet FINGER PICKIN GOOD who flew in from Little Rock that day just to hash with us! Too bad he flew back out at 8 pm he missed half the fun!!! MILK MY YAK arrived with the bio-hazard suits and soon the Rock was nothing but white with red Santa’s hats. You could even hear the call of 69-CENT man saying Red Eye page 39. HORN-E says we set the record for the largest hash this day in Chicago because we had 95 paid regos and Numerous people who showed up late to party with us at the ON-ON-ON-IN. Lets try to rebreak the record for 1500 this Summer? I have to thank MILK and REAR for helping distribute everything so we were ready to roll by 3 pm.

The circle was made across the street from the Rock where the CH3 GM was maliciously attack by HORN-E’s girlfriend in the chalk talk. I tried to defend myself with my antlers to no avail. ITS TOO SOFT said to me once if you want to be GM there will be days like these. After a quick chalk talk the pack was off south down Halsted helped out by CALVIN and PMS who took it upon themselves to stop traffic for 2 minutes maybe that is why officer De Lecruz called me twice during our run. NOTE for 1500 make sure we again alert the police they were most understanding of our fun run this day. The pack was soon in the heart of Lincoln Park where LIFA and BONER were hot on the trail set by the hares, but no!!!! There was a false trail set to the condo of CHICKEN no beer here fellas go back to the last mark by St. Clements. BALLSALOTPUS was snapping pictures left and right of the white and red clad pack, which for some reason came out a little blurry oh darn. The trail went back up North on Broadway where VIPER SNATCH this time took over the duty of traffic control to allow hashers to cross. Nice job!!! CP and JUST DO ME SLOWLY did the usually check hang here waiting for the FRB’s to report that they found the trail. Soon we were on the overly used corner of Diversey and Sheridan with a check that went into the park. Man those Big-Humpers must have been hurting because they all were trying to win the DFL award today.

The pack traveled south revisiting all the areas which were closed off for the great Anthrax scare of 2002. Most of the tail of the pack hung with the hare short cutting through the mud of Lincoln Park. Even JUST JOHN in from Michigan kept up all the way to the beer stop. Many hashers stopped for the photo op created by running through the zoo, I think I heard someone shout I SEE CAMELS! or was it CAMEL TOE!! You never know with this bunch. The pack made their way through the zoo and final out where they hit a major back check on trail. I think JUST PATTI and JUST JESSE found the correct trail here. Further south we hit the Turkey-Eagle split, which was never mentioned in the chalk talk dumbass Hares!! If you went Eagle you found the trail looped around the Chicago Historical society if not you went directly to BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED place where several Jell-o shots were waiting for the pack. It is here where an unfortunate incident took place. Several hashers including U GOT MY ROD, RHOTAN, MOUNT ME, and others decided to follow some very faded check instead of follow the CLEARLY marked beer near sign on the corner of Wells and Lincoln. This caused them to completely miss the beer stop. I really feel bad for them ……. NOT!!

After a 20 minute stop in the Ivory tower overlooking the park the hash was on again. The trail ran through the DePaul neighborhood but before it went there it went thru OZ park where several hashers including TRIASSALON and PRINCESS LABIA gained five-ten pounds of mud by running thru the ball diamond. All we needed then was a ref and a ring and we could have had instant Mud wrestling with these two gorgeous hashers. I think this would have drove the price of the hash upwards to $50 or more. In the Words of my friend though “You can’t pay for entertainment like that!” Several hashers were getting tired so I sent them on the short cut and said go to FUJI’s place well they went there but guys FUJI don’t live there any more! You see over the Summer he moved, I know this because I helped him MOVE!!! And I think he even invited all of you to his new place and just in case you don’t know where it is. It is at 933 W. Wolfram. The hare doubled back on the trail and I think I corralled most of the pack to ITS TOO SOFT for the second beer stop around 5 pm and we all were done hashing for one day. On wards to Durkins!!

It was a good thing I went to Durkins first because they were not going to let people in without ID’s after a little shouting done by REARLOADER and a conversation between Ursuala, the Hostess, and I, The GM convinced them that the average age of our group was 30 years plus. I think it helped when people like HORN-E, MUDSUCKER, 69-CENT MAN, and RHOTAN walked in. They did card people like TWO-HANDED STROKE and BARKS on ALL FOURS because they are youngsters. Everyone wanted food, When do we eat?? Is all I heard, but I think you will agree DOWN DOWNS on a full stomach can be hard so we began the circle. I think we can all agree ITS TOO SOFT made a classic move by getting the Bull Horn for CALVIN and HORN-E made a great call by getting the Hashshit award, by the way where did that thing go?? Let me know because I don’t have it. The hares were brought in the circle for Shitty trail as is customary. JUST INGA who showed up for every hash since boots and utes got her lanyard and whistle. This made JUST JESSE jealous, but she can get hers if she shows up once for a hash and for hash ball in Feburary. But I think all will agree the sight of the night was seeing 10-15 virgins receive their first DOWN-DOWN in the circle. I have to admit the CANS on 2 CAN SLAM were indescribable even Ed the bar manager raised an eyebrow to that because he couldn’t raise a beer while on the job. DMB and HUMMERS paid the price for trying to get the hares drunk the night before with a down down. We even sang Happy Birthday to TOO LOOSE to SCREW, and in the process almost lit CALVINS RA robe on fire!! SMELL THIS even got his own down down when we found his picture in a magazine. The best description I heard that night was he was trying to impersonate Freddy Mercury, Dear GOD I hope we still have that picture or can we get a copy it needs to be on the website!!! Around 7pm the food arrived and the hash was ravenous. I have to Thank ROTTEN WHORE for playing the part of hostess because she kept filling the empty trays with food. I have to say we should have given her man ODOR EATER a down down for hashing in a suit what is up with that!!

By 8 pm everyone looked well feed and watered down oh!! I mean beered down and Calvin reopened the circle. More abuse was poured out from the RA who looked pleasantly pleased with his new drinking vessel. Guard it with your life because many have tried to take my chalice!! It was nice to talk with MR. And MRS. ED in from Minneapolis they said they had a blast, which I think was the general feeling of all present. Later when things seemed to be winding down MAGNETIC MUFF tried to start her own naked hash. I think it was a smart move not too because Lincoln Park cops don’t mess around just ask HUMPTY DUMPTY who I heard got arrested? I saw CHEAP DATE go home early saying the words “I’m so DRUNK!!!” I just must take a minute to thank ITS TOO SOFT, who in his infinte wisdom used flour fours years ago to lay trail in a heavily populated area like Lincoln Park. On the serious side a special thanks needs to go out to ITS TOO SOFT for his constant updating of the CH3 website and his constant picture taking. I may joke with him and say “There’s something you don’t see everyday a Japanese man taking pictures!” but if he didn’t do this and do it for free our hash would not run as well as it does.

CHICKEN STIFFER
CH3- GM