Chicago Hash House Harriers

12/10/06 HASH TRASH for #1468

The hash started from the land of Emerald Isle. Many of us used tubular chariots to arrive at the starting line. We came from east and west and north and south to take part in LIFAs and BLOODY THIGHs trail. After a short chalk talk the hash took off south with ORGY and HAPPY ASS GRABBER doing the leading. We came to a series of checks and splits with the later being a turkey-eagle split which halved the group. RENT A VIRGIN and VIRGIN BANGER as well as others took the turkey. MUFF, CHICKEN, and SPOTTED COCK and others went Eagle and they were in for a long eagle. HORN-E and CHICKEN were soon running in circles while the pack followed the correct trail back west. JUST KAITLIN was out there somewhere stomping thru the snow as well. The pack came to a check at Peterson and NW Hwy that almost got CAPT. CRUNCH crunched. IT�s TOO SOFT dragged his ass around trail even after a 15 hour drinking binge the day before at TBOX11. REARLOADER and ORGY picked up the scent and
now we went back north. We ran for another 2 miles before we got to the beer stop NE of the Emerald Isle. It was here where LIFA questioned a pool sign that said something about �BALL IN HAND??� PARDON MY FLAPS took the job beer mistress and poured for all thirsty hashers, Thanks!! We even saw the family of COFFEE & MOUNT ME with JUST HANNAH in tow, damn she even had on hash attire, what good parents.
We made it back to the ON IN where CALVIN and HUMPTY DUMPTY had drank the bar out of all of their fat tire or is that HUMPTY�s girlfriends hash name?? CALVIN and STUMPY ran the circle and we were serenaded by LIFA with a raunchy rendition of the little drummer boy. ERECT the RED teased us again with his ability to make the circle come to a screeching halt during his down down. We also saw the arrival of PB, JUST INGA, SMELL THIS, RHOTAN and BONER (who still owes me hash cash). STUMPY lost her tits to me but will get them back this weekend and we did have a naming. JUST KAITLIN was asked numerous questions about herself and then asked to leave the circle. We brought her back to the circle for what we thought would be her new hash name but upon returning to the circle and getting on her knees she uttered another silly phrase. In an unprecedented move the GM asked her to leave the circle again and the hash changed its mind, so from here and forever JUST KAITLIN is now
known as, �KNEELS so EASILY.� See you all at 1469/ANTHARX!!!!!!!!!!

ON ON
CHICKEN STIFFER

12/2/06 CH3 & SCH3 Idiots Day Hash
Hare:Speckle Bird

On this cold and crazy day with wind chills hovering around 0 degrees twenty brave hashers came together on the Northwest side of the city to celebrate the Annual Idiots Day Hash. The circle began promptly at 2:30 pm or in idiot language 2:45 pm. The circle began with the idiot Speckie using white chalk to explain his marks did he realize it had snowed the day before? What an idiot!! Son of Dick made himself a menace was soon found face down in the snow pushed down by the hare. Is the circle required to call DCFS for Child Abuse? After a quick chalk talk trail was begun with the Anus Clan leading the way. It�s too Soft was present and accounted for even after hosting a hugely successful bar crawl the night before. CP and her clones also made an appearance this day. The trail went left the trail went right and soon the first circle jerk was found by Peg Leg and Rhotan Man. True to form this trail was set by an idiot after one check the pack was seen circling and
circling the same park until Bloody Thighs found trail leading out of the park.
This led east a little until we came to our next split which was a turkey-eagle split. Lifa and Orgy our overachieving hashers went eagle while others like Just Inga, Just jessie and Just Patti took the turkey split. The trail ended up at some bar on Milwaukee Ave. that was connected to a liquor store go figure. It was at this fine establishment where old men passed around a shared pair of teeth so each could gnaw on some pizza. I think Dingleberry had more teeth than the 15 old guys in there combined. It reminded me of one of Ez on the Asses South side bars he frequents. The pack enjoyed a fine cold one and then took off on the 1/2 mile jog back to the bar where Stump Humper was already warming her buns along with Blood Thighs. The hash cash came back and beer was poured out to the welcoming pack.
Soar Balls and Stumpy lead the circle in welcoming the new virgin Just Patti to the hash, who by the way is paid in full for 1469/Anthrax. 2nd Timer Just Jessie will only be around for Anthrax and then she will be off back to school at MSU this will be a loss of some fine hash material. She is dying to be named before she leaves though. Grateful Dick announced that the Cuss hash will be run next on March 17, 2007 Sorry Grateful, But the Chicken should by in St. Louis for the green dress. The only other person not mentioned yet is Just Kaitlin so there she is. The hash was still going strong when the Chicken crossed the road at 7 pm and may still be there now. Also thanks to whoever bought our food because we were informed that the food order was taken care of if not I owe someone $7.

Chicken Stiffer
CH3-GM

Chicago Hash 11/19/06 Hash Trash
Hares: Cum in My Assfault & Boner Malfunction

The Hash was supposed to start around 2:30 pm after the mismanagement meeting held at It’s too Soft’s place. The irony was that the hares made most of this meeting instead of setting trail. This pushed the start time of the hash closer to 3 pm but are there rules to hashing?!?!? Boner and Cum in My Assfault lead the circle which included 2nd time hasher Just Inga, who even brought a new virgin Just Jessie. Just Inga also bought a rego for the 1469/Anthrax hash so the hash seems to have corrupted another young mind, oh what a waste! The hares then informed the circle that the first part of trail would be live and they would need 12 minutes for a cranium start. Lifa and Virtually Hung lead the circle in a warm up to Father Abraham. While this was going on Smell This tried to be sneaky and stuffed the CH3 flag into the garbage which he got a down-down for at the ON-IN.

After the warm up the hash took off up Broadway and began to follow this f***** up trail with Assflac, Lifa, and Happy Ass Grabber leading the pack. The trail wound thru the Lakeview neighborhood and came to a serious check on the corner of Belmont and Halsted. Here the pack ran into a stone wall on trail which caused some serious check hanging to be done by Bloody Thighs, Magnetic Muff, and Sugar Nipples. The trail went SW thru the bank and was sniffed out by 2-Tiks to a Pair a Thighs, maybe she should try navigating one of her flights for United? The trail kept going SW and seemed to be on a direct line back to PARTY CENTRAL, but NO!!!! The flag bearer, Chicken Stiffer found trail going thru Illinois Masonic Hospital along with Furberger and Lifa. It followed the EL line for a few blocks and went West on Diversey to a screwed up check on Lincoln and Diversey. Here the pack separated and Princess Labia went one way Horn-E went another and Mudsucker just got lost or
did he??

The trail eventually was found to make its way South towards the original party central and a pack formed around Flying Hooter’s but does she constitute a pack by herself? Ask the Thursday crowd about that one!! The Beer Near and Beer was located and Boner had Beer and Rum for the pack. Sir Poops A Lot grabbed a berry beer I thought those were for the chicks?? We have to say our good-byes to POOPS and Special Head because they are leaving for Hawaii. What a load of crap can’t take the cold you two? And you will miss 1469!!! I heard many hashers complaining later that the trail sucked because they missed the beer stop. But if the Virgin, Just Jessie, can find the beer what is your excuse? Even Milk-My-Yak partook of the fine amber of the Gods before leaving for home.

The ON IN was at Friar Tuck’s where the Hares were lambasted for their nonchalant trail setting attitude. They were nailed at least three times for such a shitty trail, but they did make up for it in FOOD. Virtually Hung guest RA’d for the day and welcomed our new virgin Just Jessie who learned quickly not to wear new shoes to a hash. Free food seems to be an ongoing theme for the hash lately because those who showed up on Sunday got a free TURKEY dinner at the Tuck. Have a Happy Turkey Day and we will wee you next weekend!!

CHICKEN STIFFER